the biggest cock in Hollywood

the biggest cock in Hollywood
The Largest Penises in Hollywood
By Erin Donnelly
Published: Thursday, February 14, 2008 - 19:01


Since a male full-frontal nude scene happens, oh, every five years or so, it’s a little difficult to determine how male celebrities “measure up” against each other. Luckily, the randy reputations of the superstars below precede them. From Old Hollywood icons to today’s hottest actors, we’ve got the dirt on the 15 fellas who are famed for “going the distance.”

The Largest Penises in Hollywood #1: Daniel Craig

This just in: Daniel Craig has a large penis. Just ask Judi Dench.

The distinguished Dame Dench offered this not-so-distinguished quote after catching an eyeful of her Casino Royale co-star’s, er, “License to Kill” thanks to a conveniently placed trailer opposite his: "It’s an absolute monster! Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. How uncouth of me!"

Craig’s snug bathing suit scene should also eliminate any doubt that he’s more of a 009 (at least) than a 007, don’t you think?
Gary Cooper.
Freddy Franks-

Freddy Frank is mentioned in several books by actors and agents of the 1930s-1960s, and also in several interviews given by noted celebrities of the time, such as Abbott and Costello. Frank was an extra, kept on the payroll of the studios, to perform sexual services to starlets and more than a few female stars of the era. He also was known for serving as a waiter at many hollywood dinner parties where the hosts would set up a "gag" on unsuspecting guests. Frank would serve a salad bowl, with a hole cut in the bottom, and he would carry the bowl at below his waist and offer "salad" to an unsuspecting, usually young and new to hollywood, female guest. Frank would have inserted his limp penis in the hole in the bottom of the bowl and his limp penis would be in the bottom of the hole. When the unsuspecting starlet used the tongs Franks provided for the lady to serve herself salad, she would invariably find that her tongs came out with his penis and it was shocking to her and a laugh all around for most of the guests who were in on the gag, many of whom had previously had the gag performed on them. This gag was also recreated for the 1984 film "Bachelor Party" which was a very early comedic film staring Tom Hanks.
In the film, the waiter is serving hotdogs instead of salad, and the lady asks if they have any foot longs and the waiter answers, "yes, and then some"...and she won't let go of his penis with the tongs when she realizes what she had found...poor slapstick but it was based on real life incidents invoving Franks.
Also, Franks was in several movies as an actor with the great actor Errol Flynn. Flynn had several "measuring contests" with Franks using quarters laid end to end to measure each man when their penis was laid on a bar top. Flynn was always a loser as his erect 12 quarter, hence 12" penis was always a couple of quarters shy of Franks limp penis length.
It has been reported that Flynn always made the excuse he was intoxicated and that's why he never "won". Mae West, a notorious "size queen" all her life stated she had never seen anyone like Franks and not even close. The great Milton Berle, who had the 2d biggest penis in hollywood of the time, 13.5" erect, was several times cajoled and asked to put his endowment up against Franks to settle the issue when he claimed he was the largest and Berle always declined. Franks was reported to be endowed somewhere from "more than 12 inches" to other reports stating he was "14" long fully flaccid" and his fully hard erection was widely reported to be 18" long. That is why Abbott and Costello, Mae West, and several other women of the era all repeated many times that Franks was the biggest they had seen or heard of and he was the "eighth wonder of the world".
But this not the end of the story.According our urban myth network and BS Annonymous Associates,one while Abbott and Costello were visitting Freddy Franks,in a hostel room,he displaying his freakishly huge penis to them.Budd Abbott left the room,but Lou Costello stayed behind.
Outside,Abbott began to hear his partner screamming.''wohh.Abbott.''wohh.Abbott''wohh.Abbott.It's just too big.Help.abbott.''
The guy on first.What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Budd Abbott enters the room and see's Lou Costello pantless,bent over the bed,making his weird breathing noises.hhsttnnnn,while Freddy Frank was trying to stuff his freakishly huge dong back into his pants
''Lou,what happened here?''
''I don't know.Abbott...nothing happenned here.I've just been a bad boy,thats all.''



Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_was_freddy_frank._is_he_still_alive_why_was_he_called_by_lou_costello_the_eigth_wonder_of_the_world#ixzz1FvqIbnQg

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101 Big Dick Jokes


My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.
My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
My dick has better credit than I do.
My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
My dick is so big, it has casters.
My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
My dick is so big, it lives next door.
My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
My dick is so big, it votes.
My dick is a better dresser than I am.
My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.
My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
My dick runs the 440 in 15 seconds
My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.
No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.
My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.
My dick was once the ambassador to China.
My dick is so big, it's gone condo.
My dick hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than he was on the team.
My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.
It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.
My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself.
My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.
My dick is so big, it has feet.
My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off.
My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
My dick is so big, it has investors.
My dick is so big, it seats six.
My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.
My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.
My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.
My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft.
My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.
My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.
My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.
My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.
If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.
My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurentis movie.
My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.
My dick is so big, Trump owns it.
My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.
My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.
My dick is so big, that it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.
My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.
My dick is so big, you can ski down it.
My dick is so big, it has an elbow.
My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.
My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.
My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.
My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty.
My dick is so big, there's a sneaker named "Air My Dick"
My dick is so big, I'm it's bitch.
My dick is so big, it's against the law to fuck me without protective headgear.
My dick is so big, I could fuck a tuba.
My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.
My dick is so big, it has its own gravity
NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.
My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.
The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars.
My dick is so big, it has a spine.
My dick is so big, it has a basement.
My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.
My dick is more muscular than I am.
My dick is so big it has cable.
My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.
My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.
My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.
My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee.
My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.
My dick is so big, I can braid it.
My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.
My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and used it as a flag.
My dick is so big, I can sit on it.
My dick is so big, it can chew gum.
My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it. Actually, two sandwiches.
My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.
My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.
My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck.
My dick is so big, you're standing on it.
My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.
My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.
My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.
My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.
My dick is so big, it's right behind you.


Even more big dick jokes (reader submissions)

Thanks to Doug Leary, Phil Sarti, Citizen Monk and Zach Milwood.

My dick is so big, when I broke my leg, they didn't put a cast on it, they just strapped it to my dick.
My dick is so big, when I was in a porno, they had to release it on a 4 disc DVD box set.
My dick is so big, it thinks the Grand Canyon is a virgin.
My dick is so big, autumn haze is not even considering taking it.
My dick is so big, they named the invasion of Normandy after it. (usually just known as D day)
My dick is so big, interplanetary distances are measured in light years and my dick years.
My dick is so big, it bought Microsoft from petty cash.
My dick is so big, FedEx won't insure it.
My dick is so big, it has a horizon.
My dick is so big, it has tonsils.
My dick is so big, it's known as Doctor Pecker.
My dick is so big, I run three-legged races by myself.
My dick is so big, that when I fly, it has to take the train.
My dick is so big, it posts big dick jokes.
My dick is so big, that it can think of far more big dick jokes than I can.
My dick is so big, they refuse to put me in prison.
My dick is so big, I can shoot for the Moon.
My dick is so big, its a Weapon of Ass Destruction.
My dick is so big, when I fall down, I fuck everyone in China.
My dick is so big, it urinates by telepathy.
My dick is so big, I left it at home.
My dick is so big, it don't have veins, it has pipes.
My dick is so big, sometimes it jerks me off.
My dick is so big it was impeached by Congress.
My dick is so big, Florida had to measure it twice.
My dick is so big, it killed its ex-wife and got away with it scott free.
My dick is so big, it's not just famous, it's IN famous.
My dick is so big, it has a stunt double.
My dick is so big, that I look like its dick in front of it!
My dick is so big, compasses do not function properly around it.
My dick is so big, the Pope has blessed it.
My dick is so big, Al Gore invented it
My dick is so big, black holes fall into it.
My dick is so big, premature ejaculation takes ninety minutes.
My dick is so big, it's wanted in nine states, and Canada.
My dick is so big, when I get aroused, the Earth develops an elliptical orbit.
My dick is so big, it's in a boy band with four other big dicks.
My dick is so big, it's a government scapegoat.
My dick is so big, it has its own seat in Congress.
My dick is so big, it's worshipped as a Pagan God.
My dick is so big, I can change channels without the remote.
My dick is so big, I use it to smuggle illegal immigrants across the border.
My dick is so big, I have to stand in the hall when I take a piss.
My dick is so big it gives me an allowance.
My dick is so big Alan Greenspan uses it to raise interest rates.
My dick is so big, if I didn't sleep on my side, planes would crash into it at night.
My dick is so big, I have to use a complex irrigation system just to take a piss.
My dick is so big, it has it's own time zone - central dick time.
My dick is so big, it could feed Ethiopia for a month.
My dick is so big, it's ri-dick-ulous.
My dick is so big, Frodo carried the Ring to it.
My dick is so big, Osama bin Laden tried to fly a 747 into it.
My dick is so big, it has its own moon.
My dick is so big, it has its own wing at the Louvre.
My dick is so big, Jimmy Hoffa is still hiding below it.
My dick is so big, it has its own telethon.
My dick is so big, the Indians in the hills sing songs about it.
My dick is so big, Magellan only sailed halfway around it.
My dick is so big, my parents had to get a building permit to have me circumcised.
My dick is so big, it warps the space-dick continuum.
My dick is so big, it wants a car when it turns 16.
My dick is so big, for prom night I rented the Oscar Meyer Wiener Wagon instead of a limo.
My dick is so big, it wears longer pants than I do.
My dick is so big, my zipper is made by Bethlehem Steel.
My dick is so big, it's on Google Maps, and they had to move satellites into higher orbit to photograph it.
My dick is so big, it's carved on Mt. Rushmore next to Lincoln.
My dick is so big, Rolling Stone calls it The Fifth Beatle.
My dick is so big, there was a band called Earth, Wind and My Dick.
My dick is so big I have to take it through a car wash.
My dick is so big it costs a fortune to heat.
My dick is so big it has a gift shop. People buy bumper stickers that say they visited My Dick.
My dick is so big, airplanes tried to shoot it off the Empire State Building.
My dick is so big it affects the Earth's magnetic field.
My dick is so big, my first orgasm caused the Big Bang.
My dick is so big, Hurricane Katrina gave me a blowjob.
My dick is so big it affects the tides.
My dick is so big, King Kong tried to climb it.
My dick is so big it stood up to the IRS, and won!
My dick is so big it has a restaurant on the top floor.
My dick is so big I have to buy it its own airline seat.
My dick is so big I can only fly on cargo planes.
My dick is so big, Columbus discovered it and thought it was India.
My dick is so big it shows up on radar.
My dick is so big, it could have invaded Iraq all by itself.
My dick is so big, Osama bin Laden hid under it for six months.
My dick is so big it has its own national anthem.
My dick is so big it beat up the class bully in high school.
My dick is so big it's listed on the New York Stock Exchange.
My dick is so big it charges more for graduation speeches than I do.
My dick is so big the sperm bank opened a branch office just for it.
My dick is so big it makes a Porsche want to buy a Ferrari.
My dick is so big it's paved.
My dick is so big it has a crosswalk.
My dick is so big, I have to pay property taxes on it.
My dick is so big, my home address is 1257 My Dick.
My dick is so big it has a Day side and a Night side.
My dick is so big the Titanic ran into it and sank.
My dick is so big, scientists think it killed off the dinosaurs.
My dick is so big, you can get lost on it and wander for days.
My dick is so big it becomes a flotation device.
My dick is so big you can see your house from it.
My dick is so big it causes eclipses.
My dick is so big it made a fortune in real estate before it was 30.
My dick is so big it has a tollbooth at both ends.
My dick is so big there's an observatory on it.
My dick is so big you can ski down it.
My dick is so big there's a My Dick Rescue Team stationed on it.
My dick is so big it has a really good beach and several ok ones.
My dick is so big there are isolated tribes living on remote areas of it.
My dick is so big NASA still hasn't fully mapped its surface.
My dick is so big the Amazon detours around it.
My dick is so big I have an overpass in my pants.
My dick is so big my balls have never seen the sky.
My dick is so big it has its own two-party system. All the candidates suck.
My dick is so big I have to establish a base camp before sex.
My dick is so big my grandmother knits it sweaters.
My dick is so big, the homeless sleep under it.
My dick is so big it has its own zip code.
My dick is so big it produces its own local weather.
My dick is so big they've had to divide up the compass with, North, South, East, West and My Dick.
My dick can be used as a flotation device in the highly unlikely event of a water landing.
My dick is so big that once I got it stuck in my zipper and didn't even scream till I finally felt it two days later.
My dick is so big, the Patriots acquired it to play football-next year, it'll be the entire front line.
My dick is so big that there're currently a bunch of biologists filming a documentary on its untamed inhabitants.
My dick is so big, while I'm eating peanuts way back in Coach, he's up in the big chair, talking to the tower; getting clearance to land; flying the plane.
My dick can look directly into a second-story window. Flat-footed.
My dick never has to audition for the part.
My dick is so big, it was recently declared a Wilderness Preserve dedicated to the re-introduction of my dick into the wild.
My dick is so big, Austrailian Aboriginals revere it as their 'New Uluru'.
My dick is so big, certain parts of it sell alcohol; certain parts of it don't.
My dick is so big it can't take the Panama Canal, but must sail all the way around the tip of South America.
My dick is so big that European pranksters show up every night; stomping around all over it making fake crop circles.
My dick has fiber optics.
My dick is so big that if I accidentally trip over it, it takes 2-3 days just to hit the ground.
My dick is so big that if it were a boat, there'd be no such thing as adequate scope for safe anchoring.
My dick is so big its own gravity'll soon capture the Moon.
My dick is so big it bullies all the smaller dicks out of their lunch money.
My dick is so big that its flight is impossible without the aid of rising thermal updrafts.
My dick is so big that Hannibal tried to ride it across the Himalayas.
My dick is so big that my urologist is quadruplets.
My dick is so big it's decided on a career in Law.
My dick is so big, it might attract an IRS tax audit.
My dick is so big, even Evel Knievel couldn't jump it on his Rocketbike.
My dick has hosted Saturday Night Live-TWICE!
My dick is so big; like the Louvre or Disneyworld; you really can't see it all in one day…
My dick is so big, visitors at the zoo buy bags of peanuts to stuff up it.
My dick is so big its considered a load-bearing member.
My dick is so big that just keeping it painted is an unending chore.
My dick is so big, lots of people think we're brothers.
My dick is so big, the DMV is requiring me to obtain a Class B license.
My dick is so big that its conjoined twin was born with just a head and one tiny, misshapen hand.
My dick is so big the Coast Guard recently installed a 10 million candlepower searchlight at the tip.
My dick is so big it changed its name to an unpronounceable symbol formerly known as Dick.
My dick is so big that from the tip, everybody down there looks like teeny-tiny little ants.
My dick is so big it scared early mapmakers who depicted it as a sea monster.
My dick is so big; if it was a Pilgrim, it would've come to America on the Nina, the Pinta AND the Santa Maria.
My dick is so big it could've fed the entire Donner Party-for two winters!
My dick is so big, it takes two days and a good packmule to get up to the tip.
My dick requires backcountry permits for all overnight hikes.
My dick is so big, I've had to resort to hiring out-of-state hookers.
My dick is so big it doesn't need a resume, a nice suit or a firm handshake to get the job.
My dick is so big it has to downshift on steep grades.
My dick is so big, smaller dicks may experience severe turbulence from my dick's wingtip vortices.
My dick is so big, it may've already been assimilated by the Borg.
My dick is so big, it has PDiddy on speed dial.
My dick is so big, its got OnStar.
My dick is so big, all the smaller dicks roll over, showing their bellies in submission.
My dick is so big, it will stubbornly drive around for hours-TOTALLY LOST-and never once stop to ask for directions.
My dick is so big, at first I thought it was using steroids to bulk up, but then I saw my dick's dick and IT WAS HUGE, TOO!
My dick is so big,it takes 1 ½ miles to make a 90 degree turn.
My dick and Las Vegas, NV create the exact same size carbon footprint.
My dick is so big it has a private helipad.
My dick is so big, its always cool in the winter, warm in the summer.
My dick is so big, I have to bus in day laborers just to fidgit with my balls.
My dick is so big it has Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
My dick is so big it doesn't ship to AK or HI.
My dick is so big there's a bumper sticker on back warning motorists not to drive in it's blind spot.
My dick is so big the Eskimos have over 40 unique words that mean 'my dick'.
My dick is so big, I'm already banging my next girlfriend's best friend.
My dick is so big, it pilots its own Gulfstream Jet.
My dick is so big, as soon as its won the superbowl; its ALREADY AT Disneyland!
My dick is so big, if you climbed to the tip, you could see your house from there.
My dick is so big that Verizon's leasing space at the tip for a cellphone tower.
My dick is so big it has a four-lane bowling alley.
My dick is so big I gotta use binoculars to just to make sure that ain't no man down there sucking it.
My dick is so big it was mistakenly claimed for Spain by de Portola in 1629.
My dick is so big, if Hillary beats it in the primaries, she'll likely win the Presidency.
My dick is so big, it takes large prey items that may require weeks to move through its digestive tract.
My dick is so big you'd better just get the Cliff's Notes version.
My dick is so big, visitors are delighted with its scenic beauty as well as the deluxe accomodations, snack bar and pro-shop.
My dick is so big, penthouse guests have reported there's a noticeable sway on windy days.
My dick is recommended by four out of five dentists, AND their patients who chew my dick.
My dick is so big, it spoils every single Christmas; waking up early and opening ALL the presents under the tree.
My dick is so big its become aloof; maintaining just a nodding acquintance with my balls, and won't even speak to my asshole anymore.
My dick is the only line drawing on the Nazca Plain in Peru that you can really see from space.
My dick is so big, students will need a calculator with scientific notation.
My dick is so big, it was a Varsity starter in all three sports since Freshman year!
My dick is so big it subconsciously ducks its head just a little bit every time I walk thru a doorway.
My dick's so big; in the playground, it could either teeter OR totter-but never reallly teeter-totter.
My dick once blacked-out the entire Western US electrical grid, just using the blow dryer.
My dick is so big, whenever there's a report of a huge dick jam, it'll usually be the dick at fault.
My dick is so big, novice divers should be reminded to pressure-equalize their ears several times on the way down.
My dick is so big, its only natural that it would experience its fair share of cattle mutilations and ghost ships.
My dick is so big it lacks the agility to dodge the spinning propeller blades; it bears the wounds from encounters with several careless boaters.
My dick needs to double its springtime weight; packing on fat in order to survive the long winter ahead.
My dick is so big, Steve Irwin once lasso'd it with a top-jaw rope.
My dick's so big, it can sit in the front row at Sea World and Shamu doesn't dare splash it.
My dick is slated to host the 2016 Summer Olympics.
My dick is so big, they won't let it ride ANY of the 'coasters at Six Flags.
My dick's so big, it'll be presenting a fireworks extravaganza after the show.
My dick is so big, rising fuel costs have forced it to cancel its summer travel plans.
My dick is so big it needs those specially fitted orthopedic shoes.
My dick is so big it periodically sheds its skin. Got enough last month to make a pair of motorcycle boots, three wallets and this belt.
My dick golfs with the mayor.
My dick is so big it must signal with three long horn blasts before making sternway.
My dick has an old rusty harpoon stuck in it.
My dick blows out the candles no matter who's birthday it is.
My dick is so big, even after 101 jokes, its still pretty funny.
My dick is so big, they had to use bolt cutters for my vasectomy.

My dick is so big, my bed is equipped with airbags.

My dick is so big, I have to set up orange traffic cones when I take a piss outside.

My dick is so big, I have to wear a back brace when I masturbate.

My dick is so big, my wife uses it for a body pillow.

My dick is so big, sometimes it jerks ME off.

My dick is so big, my urologist has to rent a forklift for my annual prostate exam.
My dick is so big, it's part of the government bailout plan.
My dick is so big, it is a source of employment.
My dick is so big, Rumsfeld holds briefings about it.

More than 101 Big Dick Jokes Sections

More than 101 Big Dick Jokes Sections
Home
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Random Article


Superfluousness





101 Big Dick Jokes


My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime.
My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in. I had to stand and argue with the doorman.
My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company.
My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls.
My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school.
My dick has an elevator and a lobby.
My dick has better credit than I do.
My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum.
My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
My dick is so big, it has casters.
My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow.
My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor.
My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My Dick.
My dick is so big, it lives next door.
My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in first, second, and third.
My dick is so big, it votes.
My dick is a better dresser than I am.
My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal.
My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in pictures.
My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run.
My dick runs the 440 in 15 seconds
My dick is the Walrus, koo koo ga joob.
No matter where I go, my dick always gets there first.
My dick takes longer lunches than I do.
My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic National Committee.
My dick was once the ambassador to China.
My dick is so big, it's gone condo.
My dick hit .370 in the minors before it hurt its knee.
My dick was almost drafted by the Cleveland Browns, but Art Modell didn't want a bigger dick than he was on the team.
My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler.
It's so big, when it rains the head of my dick doesn't get wet.
My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of getting a hard-on and killing myself.
My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper.
My dick is so big, it has feet.
My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it.
My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales to jack me off.
My dick is so big, my mother was in labor for three extra days.
My dick is so big, they use the bullet train to test my condoms.
My dick is so big, it has investors.
My dick is so big, it seats six.
My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring.
My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole.
My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next remake.
My dick is so big, it has an opening act.
My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft.
My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box.
My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings.
My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it so cars could get through.
My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse.
My dick is so big, it only plays arenas.
If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am.
My dick was once set on fire for a Dino DiLaurentis movie.
My dick is so big, it needs an airplane warning light.
My dick is so big, Trump owns it.
My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part of us.
My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row.
My dick is so big, that it has its own dick. And even my dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
My dick is so big, you can't blow me without a ladder.
My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.
My dick is so big, you can ski down it.
My dick is so big, it has an elbow.
My dick is so big, I have to check it as luggage when I fly.
My dick is so big, it has a personal trainer.
My dick is so big, that right now it's in the other room fixing us drinks.
My dick is so big, it has a retractable dome.
My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of Liberty.
My dick is so big, there's a sneaker named "Air My Dick"
My dick is so big, I'm it's bitch.
My dick is so big, it's against the law to fuck me without protective headgear.
My dick is so big, I could fuck a tuba.
My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.
My dick is so big, it has its own gravity
NASA once launched a space probe to search for the tip of my dick.
My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a satellite.
The inside of my dick contains billions and billions of stars.
My dick is so big, it has a spine.
My dick is so big, it has a basement.
My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small, medium, large, and My Dick.
My dick is more muscular than I am.
My dick is so big it has cable.
My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.
My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.
My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.
My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in Tennessee.
My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.
My dick is so big, I can braid it.
My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip, it's Central Mountain Time at my balls.
My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and used it as a flag.
My dick is so big, I can sit on it.
My dick is so big, it can chew gum.
My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it. Actually, two sandwiches.
My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but they ran out of cement.
My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park on it.
My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my neck.
My dick is so big, you're standing on it.
My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.
My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.
My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.
My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.
My dick is so big, it's right behind you.


Even more big dick jokes (reader submissions)

Thanks to Doug Leary, Phil Sarti, Citizen Monk and Zach Milwood.

My dick is so big, when I broke my leg, they didn't put a cast on it, they just strapped it to my dick.
My dick is so big, when I was in a porno, they had to release it on a 4 disc DVD box set.
My dick is so big, it thinks the Grand Canyon is a virgin.
My dick is so big, autumn haze is not even considering taking it.
My dick is so big, they named the invasion of Normandy after it. (usually just known as D day)
My dick is so big, interplanetary distances are measured in light years and my dick years.
My dick is so big, it bought Microsoft from petty cash.
My dick is so big, FedEx won't insure it.
My dick is so big, it has a horizon.
My dick is so big, it has tonsils.
My dick is so big, it's known as Doctor Pecker.
My dick is so big, I run three-legged races by myself.
My dick is so big, that when I fly, it has to take the train.
My dick is so big, it posts big dick jokes.
My dick is so big, that it can think of far more big dick jokes than I can.
My dick is so big, they refuse to put me in prison.
My dick is so big, I can shoot for the Moon.
My dick is so big, its a Weapon of Ass Destruction.
My dick is so big, when I fall down, I fuck everyone in China.
My dick is so big, it urinates by telepathy.
My dick is so big, I left it at home.
My dick is so big, it don't have veins, it has pipes.
My dick is so big, sometimes it jerks me off.
My dick is so big it was impeached by Congress.
My dick is so big, Florida had to measure it twice.
My dick is so big, it killed its ex-wife and got away with it scott free.
My dick is so big, it's not just famous, it's IN famous.
My dick is so big, it has a stunt double.
My dick is so big, that I look like its dick in front of it!
My dick is so big, compasses do not function properly around it.
My dick is so big, the Pope has blessed it.
My dick is so big, Al Gore invented it
My dick is so big, black holes fall into it.
My dick is so big, premature ejaculation takes ninety minutes.
My dick is so big, it's wanted in nine states, and Canada.
My dick is so big, when I get aroused, the Earth develops an elliptical orbit.
My dick is so big, it's in a boy band with four other big dicks.
My dick is so big, it's a government scapegoat.
My dick is so big, it has its own seat in Congress.
My dick is so big, it's worshipped as a Pagan God.
My dick is so big, I can change channels without the remote.
My dick is so big, I use it to smuggle illegal immigrants across the border.
My dick is so big, I have to stand in the hall when I take a piss.
My dick is so big it gives me an allowance.
My dick is so big Alan Greenspan uses it to raise interest rates.
My dick is so big, if I didn't sleep on my side, planes would crash into it at night.
My dick is so big, I have to use a complex irrigation system just to take a piss.
My dick is so big, it has it's own time zone - central dick time.
My dick is so big, it could feed Ethiopia for a month.
My dick is so big, it's ri-dick-ulous.
My dick is so big, Frodo carried the Ring to it.
My dick is so big, Osama bin Laden tried to fly a 747 into it.
My dick is so big, it has its own moon.
My dick is so big, it has its own wing at the Louvre.
My dick is so big, Jimmy Hoffa is still hiding below it.
My dick is so big, it has its own telethon.
My dick is so big, the Indians in the hills sing songs about it.
My dick is so big, Magellan only sailed halfway around it.
My dick is so big, my parents had to get a building permit to have me circumcised.
My dick is so big, it warps the space-dick continuum.
My dick is so big, it wants a car when it turns 16.
My dick is so big, for prom night I rented the Oscar Meyer Wiener Wagon instead of a limo.
My dick is so big, it wears longer pants than I do.
My dick is so big, my zipper is made by Bethlehem Steel.
My dick is so big, it's on Google Maps, and they had to move satellites into higher orbit to photograph it.
My dick is so big, it's carved on Mt. Rushmore next to Lincoln.
My dick is so big, Rolling Stone calls it The Fifth Beatle.
My dick is so big, there was a band called Earth, Wind and My Dick.
My dick is so big I have to take it through a car wash.
My dick is so big it costs a fortune to heat.
My dick is so big it has a gift shop. People buy bumper stickers that say they visited My Dick.
My dick is so big, airplanes tried to shoot it off the Empire State Building.
My dick is so big it affects the Earth's magnetic field.
My dick is so big, my first orgasm caused the Big Bang.
My dick is so big, Hurricane Katrina gave me a blowjob.
My dick is so big it affects the tides.
My dick is so big, King Kong tried to climb it.
My dick is so big it stood up to the IRS, and won!
My dick is so big it has a restaurant on the top floor.
My dick is so big I have to buy it its own airline seat.
My dick is so big I can only fly on cargo planes.
My dick is so big, Columbus discovered it and thought it was India.
My dick is so big it shows up on radar.
My dick is so big, it could have invaded Iraq all by itself.
My dick is so big, Osama bin Laden hid under it for six months.
My dick is so big it has its own national anthem.
My dick is so big it beat up the class bully in high school.
My dick is so big it's listed on the New York Stock Exchange.
My dick is so big it charges more for graduation speeches than I do.
My dick is so big the sperm bank opened a branch office just for it.
My dick is so big it makes a Porsche want to buy a Ferrari.
My dick is so big it's paved.
My dick is so big it has a crosswalk.
My dick is so big, I have to pay property taxes on it.
My dick is so big, my home address is 1257 My Dick.
My dick is so big it has a Day side and a Night side.
My dick is so big the Titanic ran into it and sank.
My dick is so big, scientists think it killed off the dinosaurs.
My dick is so big, you can get lost on it and wander for days.
My dick is so big it becomes a flotation device.
My dick is so big you can see your house from it.
My dick is so big it causes eclipses.
My dick is so big it made a fortune in real estate before it was 30.
My dick is so big it has a tollbooth at both ends.
My dick is so big there's an observatory on it.
My dick is so big you can ski down it.
My dick is so big there's a My Dick Rescue Team stationed on it.
My dick is so big it has a really good beach and several ok ones.
My dick is so big there are isolated tribes living on remote areas of it.
My dick is so big NASA still hasn't fully mapped its surface.
My dick is so big the Amazon detours around it.
My dick is so big I have an overpass in my pants.
My dick is so big my balls have never seen the sky.
My dick is so big it has its own two-party system. All the candidates suck.
My dick is so big I have to establish a base camp before sex.
My dick is so big my grandmother knits it sweaters.
My dick is so big, the homeless sleep under it.
My dick is so big it has its own zip code.
My dick is so big it produces its own local weather.
My dick is so big they've had to divide up the compass with, North, South, East, West and My Dick.
My dick can be used as a flotation device in the highly unlikely event of a water landing.
My dick is so big that once I got it stuck in my zipper and didn't even scream till I finally felt it two days later.
My dick is so big, the Patriots acquired it to play football-next year, it'll be the entire front line.
My dick is so big that there're currently a bunch of biologists filming a documentary on its untamed inhabitants.
My dick is so big, while I'm eating peanuts way back in Coach, he's up in the big chair, talking to the tower; getting clearance to land; flying the plane.
My dick can look directly into a second-story window. Flat-footed.
My dick never has to audition for the part.
My dick is so big, it was recently declared a Wilderness Preserve dedicated to the re-introduction of my dick into the wild.
My dick is so big, Austrailian Aboriginals revere it as their 'New Uluru'.
My dick is so big, certain parts of it sell alcohol; certain parts of it don't.
My dick is so big it can't take the Panama Canal, but must sail all the way around the tip of South America.
My dick is so big that European pranksters show up every night; stomping around all over it making fake crop circles.
My dick has fiber optics.
My dick is so big that if I accidentally trip over it, it takes 2-3 days just to hit the ground.
My dick is so big that if it were a boat, there'd be no such thing as adequate scope for safe anchoring.
My dick is so big its own gravity'll soon capture the Moon.
My dick is so big it bullies all the smaller dicks out of their lunch money.
My dick is so big that its flight is impossible without the aid of rising thermal updrafts.
My dick is so big that Hannibal tried to ride it across the Himalayas.
My dick is so big that my urologist is quadruplets.
My dick is so big it's decided on a career in Law.
My dick is so big, it might attract an IRS tax audit.
My dick is so big, even Evel Knievel couldn't jump it on his Rocketbike.
My dick has hosted Saturday Night Live-TWICE!
My dick is so big; like the Louvre or Disneyworld; you really can't see it all in one day…
My dick is so big, visitors at the zoo buy bags of peanuts to stuff up it.
My dick is so big its considered a load-bearing member.
My dick is so big that just keeping it painted is an unending chore.
My dick is so big, lots of people think we're brothers.
My dick is so big, the DMV is requiring me to obtain a Class B license.
My dick is so big that its conjoined twin was born with just a head and one tiny, misshapen hand.
My dick is so big the Coast Guard recently installed a 10 million candlepower searchlight at the tip.
My dick is so big it changed its name to an unpronounceable symbol formerly known as Dick.
My dick is so big that from the tip, everybody down there looks like teeny-tiny little ants.
My dick is so big it scared early mapmakers who depicted it as a sea monster.
My dick is so big; if it was a Pilgrim, it would've come to America on the Nina, the Pinta AND the Santa Maria.
My dick is so big it could've fed the entire Donner Party-for two winters!
My dick is so big, it takes two days and a good packmule to get up to the tip.
My dick requires backcountry permits for all overnight hikes.
My dick is so big, I've had to resort to hiring out-of-state hookers.
My dick is so big it doesn't need a resume, a nice suit or a firm handshake to get the job.
My dick is so big it has to downshift on steep grades.
My dick is so big, smaller dicks may experience severe turbulence from my dick's wingtip vortices.
My dick is so big, it may've already been assimilated by the Borg.
My dick is so big, it has PDiddy on speed dial.
My dick is so big, its got OnStar.
My dick is so big, all the smaller dicks roll over, showing their bellies in submission.
My dick is so big, it will stubbornly drive around for hours-TOTALLY LOST-and never once stop to ask for directions.
My dick is so big, at first I thought it was using steroids to bulk up, but then I saw my dick's dick and IT WAS HUGE, TOO!
My dick is so big,it takes 1 ½ miles to make a 90 degree turn.
My dick and Las Vegas, NV create the exact same size carbon footprint.
My dick is so big it has a private helipad.
My dick is so big, its always cool in the winter, warm in the summer.
My dick is so big, I have to bus in day laborers just to fidgit with my balls.
My dick is so big it has Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
My dick is so big it doesn't ship to AK or HI.
My dick is so big there's a bumper sticker on back warning motorists not to drive in it's blind spot.
My dick is so big the Eskimos have over 40 unique words that mean 'my dick'.
My dick is so big, I'm already banging my next girlfriend's best friend.
My dick is so big, it pilots its own Gulfstream Jet.
My dick is so big, as soon as its won the superbowl; its ALREADY AT Disneyland!
My dick is so big, if you climbed to the tip, you could see your house from there.
My dick is so big that Verizon's leasing space at the tip for a cellphone tower.
My dick is so big it has a four-lane bowling alley.
My dick is so big I gotta use binoculars to just to make sure that ain't no man down there sucking it.
My dick is so big it was mistakenly claimed for Spain by de Portola in 1629.
My dick is so big, if Hillary beats it in the primaries, she'll likely win the Presidency.
My dick is so big, it takes large prey items that may require weeks to move through its digestive tract.
My dick is so big you'd better just get the Cliff's Notes version.
My dick is so big, visitors are delighted with its scenic beauty as well as the deluxe accomodations, snack bar and pro-shop.
My dick is so big, penthouse guests have reported there's a noticeable sway on windy days.
My dick is recommended by four out of five dentists, AND their patients who chew my dick.
My dick is so big, it spoils every single Christmas; waking up early and opening ALL the presents under the tree.
My dick is so big its become aloof; maintaining just a nodding acquintance with my balls, and won't even speak to my asshole anymore.
My dick is the only line drawing on the Nazca Plain in Peru that you can really see from space.
My dick is so big, students will need a calculator with scientific notation.
My dick is so big, it was a Varsity starter in all three sports since Freshman year!
My dick is so big it subconsciously ducks its head just a little bit every time I walk thru a doorway.
My dick's so big; in the playground, it could either teeter OR totter-but never reallly teeter-totter.
My dick once blacked-out the entire Western US electrical grid, just using the blow dryer.
My dick is so big, whenever there's a report of a huge dick jam, it'll usually be the dick at fault.
My dick is so big, novice divers should be reminded to pressure-equalize their ears several times on the way down.
My dick is so big, its only natural that it would experience its fair share of cattle mutilations and ghost ships.
My dick is so big it lacks the agility to dodge the spinning propeller blades; it bears the wounds from encounters with several careless boaters.
My dick needs to double its springtime weight; packing on fat in order to survive the long winter ahead.
My dick is so big, Steve Irwin once lasso'd it with a top-jaw rope.
My dick's so big, it can sit in the front row at Sea World and Shamu doesn't dare splash it.
My dick is slated to host the 2016 Summer Olympics.
My dick is so big, they won't let it ride ANY of the 'coasters at Six Flags.
My dick's so big, it'll be presenting a fireworks extravaganza after the show.
My dick is so big, rising fuel costs have forced it to cancel its summer travel plans.
My dick is so big it needs those specially fitted orthopedic shoes.
My dick is so big it periodically sheds its skin. Got enough last month to make a pair of motorcycle boots, three wallets and this belt.
My dick golfs with the mayor.
My dick is so big it must signal with three long horn blasts before making sternway.
My dick has an old rusty harpoon stuck in it.
My dick blows out the candles no matter who's birthday it is.
My dick is so big, even after 101 jokes, its still pretty funny.
My dick is so big, they had to use bolt cutters for my vasectomy.

My dick is so big, my bed is equipped with airbags.

My dick is so big, I have to set up orange traffic cones when I take a piss outside.

My dick is so big, I have to wear a back brace when I masturbate.

My dick is so big, my wife uses it for a body pillow.

My dick is so big, sometimes it jerks ME off.

My dick is so big, my urologist has to rent a forklift for my annual prostate exam.
My dick is so big, it's part of the government bailout plan.
My dick is so big, it is a source of employment.
My dick is so big, Rumsfeld holds briefings about it.

Famous Big Dicks

20 Famous Big Dicks
Tracie Egan Morrissey — We're not size queens or anything but the HBO comedy Hung—about a man (Thomas Jane) with a large penis—premieres in June, and it got us thinking about big penises, the ultimate status symbol for men*. After the jump, a list of famous ones.

zone: top
size: 300x600
keywords: origin=jezebel, refer=search

1.) Rasputin**
The Russian mystic's disembodied penis is on display at the Russian museum of erotica in Saint Petersburg, in a tall jar, measuring 11 inches—flaccid.

2.) Liam Neeson
In her autobiography No Lifeguard on Duty, Janice Dickinson wrote of her ex-boyfriend Liam Neeson, saying he had "the biggest penis of any man alive. He unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out."

3.) Jay-Z
Accounts from several different groupies say that Jigga is well endowed, "The biggest dick you will ever see in your life, but boring. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It's beyond huge. It could block the sun."

4.) John Holmes
Even though he had one of the most celebrated dicks in porn history, due to its size, there's no real documentation of his measurement. His manager claimed he was 13.5 inches, but Holmes' first wife said he measured it in front of her, before he started doing adult films, and it was 10 inches.

5.) Vincent Gallo
Have you ever seen Brown Bunny? (Link NSFW)

6.) Milton Berle
This rumor about how large his dick was has been around for a while, and at his Friars Club memorial in 2002, his friends joked about his size.

7.) Wilt Chamberlain
His nickname was "Big Dipper." He claims to have gotten a lot of use out of it.

8.) Tommy Lee
Thanks to the sex tape with then-wife Pamela Anderson, everyone has seen Tommy's peen. It's guesstimated to be about 8 inches, erect. (Link NSFW)

9.) Frank Sinatra
Ava Gardner once said of her ex-husband, "He only weighs 120, but 100 pounds is cock."

10.) Alexis Arquette
Some years before her sex reassignment surgery, Alexis had a lot of taping to do. (Link NSFW)

10.) President Johnson
"He was a lifelong exhibitionist who in college had dubbed his penis ‘Jumbo.'"

11.) Errol Flynn
He was notorious for his cock, which he once used to play the piano. A classical pianist!

12.) James Woods
That's the rumor, anyway, but we don't really care to find out definitively.

13.) Colin Farrell
It looks like a baby's arm. (Link NSFW)

14.) Peter Andre
Glamor model Jordan aka Katie Price says that her husband's penis is the size of a large television remote control.

15.) Anthony Keides
The girls on Metal Sludge—a site where groupies compare notes on the rock stars they've fucked—say the Red Hot Chili Peppers front man is a "very large" penis that is "beyond gorgeous."

16.) Tony Kanal
The girls on Metal Sludge also say that the No Doubt bassist—who is Gwen Stefani's ex—measures about 10 inches.

17.) Tony Danza
He's uncut and long. (Link NSFW)

18.) Ray J
Don't all guys with sex tapes that "leak" have big dicks? (Link NSFW)

19.) Dan Rather
The report on Rather is that "he is as hung as he is handsome and intelligent."

20.) Simon Rex
It's no wonder why he used to do porno.


P.S. Here's a preview of Hung:

And artist Joe Thompson-hung around nine inches

*It is the personal opinion of the writer that big penises hurt.
**This list is not compiled by size order.

Independent clinical study BK49S57ETB5T

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Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Penis extender increased flaccid length by almost 1/3: Independent clinical study
BK49S57ETB5T

Men who wore a penile extender every day for six months were able to increase the flaccid length of their penis by up to 32% and their erectile function by up to 36%, according to an independent clinical study published in the March issue of BJU International.

Researchers from San Giovanni Battista Hospital at the University of Turin, Italy, are now suggesting that this treatment could provide a viable alternative to surgery, as the results were significant and patient satisfaction with the technique was high.

"Twenty-one highly motivated patients, with an average age of 47, were enrolled and 16 completed the 12-month study" says consultant urologist Dr Paolo Gontero.

"Having undergone psychosexual counselling, to make sure that the treatment would be beneficial, the men were asked to wear the Andro-Penis device for between four and six hours a day for six months. The device comprises a plastic ring, two dynamic rods that produce the traction and a silicon band to hold the penis in place. The men were told to increase the traction from 600g in month one to up to 1200g in month six. Follow ups were performed in months one, three, six and 12."

Key findings included:

•Men who took part in the study wore the device for an average of five hours in the first month, five hours in the third month and four hours in the sixth month.

•The men's average flaccid penile length was 7.15cm (2.82 inches) at baseline and had increased by 32 per cent to 9.45cm (3.72 inches) in month 12.

•The men's average stretched penile length was 9.62cm (3.79 inches) at baseline and had increased by 18 per cent to 11.32 cm (4.45 inches) in month 12.

•No significant increase in penile girth, which averaged 10.4cm (4.09 inches) at baseline, was reported.

•Average erectile function scores improved by up to 36%, from 19.9 out of 30 at baseline to 27.1 out of 30 at 12 months.

•Four patients discontinued the treatment for four different reasons: pain and penile bruising, satisfactory results after three months, lack of efficacy and inability to follow the protocol. Another was lost to follow-up.

•High satisfaction levels were reported in all categories except penile girth. The average score for overall satisfaction was 2.8 on a scale of zero to four, where four represents the optimal result.

•Flaccid penile length scored 2.31 on a scale of zero to three, where three represents significant improvement. Penile length during erection scored 2.37 out of three and sex life 2.3. Penile girth scored 1.1.

"A number of surgical procedures are available that aim to elongate the shaft of the penis or enlarge the penile girth" says Dr Gontero. "However these have a number of disadvantages, including a lack of standardisation, potential risk of complications and high patient dissatisfaction.

"It should also be pointed out that the majority of men who seek help for a small penis fail to meet the clinical criteria for surgery. For example, only one of the men in our study had a flaccid penis length of less than 4cm and American guidelines strongly discourage surgery if men exceed this measurement. Twelve had dysmorphia (excessive dislike of a body part) and the remaining eight had undergone surgery for curvature of the shaft."

The authors believe that the results are significant.

"Our study showed that the penile extender device produces an effective and durable lengthening of the penis, both in the flaccid and stretched state" concludes Dr Gontero.

"If these results are confirmed by further research, we propose that the device should be used as a first-line treatment option for men seeking a penile lengthening procedure."

Source: Wiley-Blackwell
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This is a blog dedicated to all the men out there, young and old, who are looking for ways of coping with feelings of perceived or real penile inadequacy. Small penises also offers research backed solutions to dealing with having a small penis. Click on the research category to read about the latest research in the field of penis enlargement, and small penis syndrome.
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A Tale of A Too Big A Dick

Small Penises

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Friday, August 6, 2010
Cockadoodle DOO! A Tale of A Too Big A Dick
So you have a small penis, a shriveled eel, a slightly overgrown clitoris, a dried up beef jerky, then you probably exhibit symptoms of small penis humiliation. Look at the bright side, your dick could be the exact size of that of Napoleon's. Who knows, when you die your "Mr. big inch" might be displayed in the U.S Department of Strange Relics, right next to the Salzburg cube or the Coso artifact. So you get humiliated in the locker room, public swimming pool, by your friends, your girlfriend, even your heartless wife. So what! Embrace that little prick, show him you got his back with your witty mind and quick tongue. I'm gonna be honest, a small cheesy worm is a handicap but if you got some looks then things ain't looking so bad in Dicklessville. To paraphrase K.J Dover "if a big penis goes with a hideous face and a small penis with a handsome face, it is the small penis which is admired."

I once had a this friend during my college years in Bologna, Italy. He was an exchange student from some remote Spanish town. His name was Goyo but wanted to be called Diego. I met him through a friend at an Irish pub. He offered to pay for all the drinks that afternoon so i decided to stick around. Ugly bastard he was, probably the second on my list of the five ugliest people i ever encountered. But he was tall and he had a cool southern Spanish accent. After the first 4 pints, he started talking about penis sizes. I was reluctant to even start that discussion with him, but I figured since he was paying for the drinks and i would probably never see him ever again after this, I indulged in the conversation. He right away told me his penis was 10 inches long. I don't remember anything else from that conversation. I was too busy in my head picturing myself with a platypus hanging between my legs. All I can remember him saying after wards is that he fucked half the girls in his home town and in the surrounding villages up in the mountains. After several visits to the loo (dunny for you Australians and latrine for you military guys)

I realized it was getting dark. I wanted to excuse myself but the ugly fucker didn't want to let me go. Lets fast forward to the real deal. Its around 1am, we come out of a disco bar. I'm drunk as hell but i can hold myself together. Diego is actually following 2 girls that he was trying to hit on back at the disco bar. I feel like a stalker, he feels invincible with his monsterous penis. The women sense they are being followed and they play along. I start singing "rule Britannia" and i ain't no Brit. Diego is out of control at this point and he is right up the girls' asses telling them step by step what he wants to do to them. The girls don't pay him any attention they just giggle. Then all of a sudden they stop. Diego tells me, "oh now we got them". They both turn around and look at Diego. Then one of the girls finally open's her mouth and says, "I wouldn't want to sleep with you even if you can pinpoint the G-spot on a map, you are so ugly but it compliments your words." After a brief pause, she continued, "No wonder you have to beg for sex, look at you, you are hideous, the only kind of sex you can find is paid sex now leave us alone, go home and put on some makeup or buy a mask," and she cursed something in German to him.

And this point I was laughing my ass off. I felt sorry that a guy should go through such humiliation, but he kinda deserved it. And I really didn't care. In the meantime, Diego was chewing his gum and nodding his head vigorously while she was bashing his ego senselessly. Right before the girls thought it was over and they can make their way back home, Diego pulled down his pants and displayed his glorious anaconda to them. I was looking the girls straight in the face. The expression on their faces was that of shock and bewilderment. One of the girls even let out a gentle scream. Diego looked at them and said, "Now, are Hitler's daughters ready for some serious damage". He went on to saying" I'm going to shove this in your pussy and its going to come out of your mouth and your friend can suck the tip of my penis in the meantime. Don't worry I will give you girls equal attention."

Diego spent the next 6 months in an Italian prison. I only visited him once. I bought him 2 packs of Marlboro, that was the least i could do for the free alcohol he treated me to 6 months earlier.

The moral of the story is your dick doesn't define who you are. You are the boss of your string bean. Don't let it control your persona or end you will end up in a lot of trouble or in jail singing jailhouse rock in C minor while the big dudes take turns raping your sorry ass.

Tip for all you mini cooper lads: Next time you go to a pub or party or somewhere, and you see a girl you like, gather up your confidence and start off by saying something provocative but at the same time something funny that won't make her think she is being insulted. Something like this perhaps, "Sweet lips you got there, I'm sure you can do some serious damage with them... tell me, you think you can handle me and my 25,400,000 nanometers penis.”

Final thought: If you feel small and insignificant in a world of giants, if you suffer from low self-esteem, and you want to curse God or nature for making you the way you are, then you most likely suffer from Small Penis Humiliation. Don't despair, you will die sooner than you think and it will all be over. Viva picollo uccello!
Posted at 8:03 AM
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What the largest recoded penis ever?

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Hi there Shaved pa,

Why is this important unless of course you're on your way to develop your sexual identity and build your own sexual self -esteem and love of your own penis. As a researcher having studied penis sizes over the past twenty years I'l share the following facts some of whcih you can check on the internet.
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Home > Topics > Famous Penis\'s In History

41,348 views
Famous Penis\'s In History
What's the difference between an average penis and a famous penis? Reading about about the average penis is perverse, while (supposedly) normal people pay huge amounts of money to see them, and then write about them (and secretly worship them).
owner of (maybe) the largest specimen
owner of (maybe) the largest specimen
http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/unclenicky/Erection.png
erection - Sometimes it has a mind of its' own
http://www.theworst.ca/images/cosplay/jeremario2.jpg
yeah, I´m a big porn star
Just The Facts

1. The penis (plural penises, penes) is an external sexual organ of certain biologically male organisms
2. The penis is a reproductive organ, technically an intromittent organ, and for placental mammals, additionally serves as the external organ of urination
3. The penis is generally found on mammals and reptiles.

Napoleon

Napoleon's penis (or an object reputed to be Napoleon's penis) has in fact circulated among collectors for some decades and is currently in . . . well, I was about to say in the hands of an American urologist, but perhaps "in the possession of" would be a better way to put it. The owner claims it's authentic, and I guess a urologist ought to know. However, given the frequency with which the death of a famous male is followed by claims that (a) he didn't really die or (b) someone has his penis, we're entitled to some doubt.

Is the penis Napoleon's? Is it even a penis? Who knows? Given the march of science one presumes it'd be easy to establish the item's provenance conclusively, but understandably no one seems to be in any hurry to do so. After you've paid three grand for a dead man's penis, who wants to be told it's a grape?


Grigori Rasputin

Grigori Rasputin (1869-1916) was a Russian mystic believed by some to be a psychic and faith healer having supernatural powers. He was seen as having greatly influenced the later days of Russian Tsar Nicholas II and his wife the Tsaritsa Alexandra. When Rasputin was murdered by a group of noblemen in 1916, some accounts say he was also sexually mutilated and his penis was severed. Since then, a number of people claiming to be in possession of his severed penis have come forth, although none of them have been able to prove it definitively. Witnessed described the penis thus:

One woman confessed that the first time she made love to him her orgasm was so violent that she fainted. Perhaps his potency as a lover also had a physical explanation. Rasputin's assassin and alleged homosexual lover, Felix Yusopov, claimed that his prowess was explained by a large wart strategically situated on his penis, which was of exceptional size.

David

This is perhaps the most viewed penis in all of history. When the Victorians ran about cutting penises off statues for reasons of propriety, David fortunately survived mutilation, but the cast of David at the South Kensington Museum (now the Victoria and Albert Museum), had a detachable plaster fig leaf, added for visits by Queen Victoria and other important ladies, when it was hung on the figure using two strategically placed hooks; it is now displayed nearby. David is a masterpiece of Renaissance sculpture sculpted by Michelangelo from 1501 to 1504. The 5.17 meter (17 ft) marble statue portrays the Biblical King David in the nude. Unlike previous depictions of David which portray the hero after his victory over Goliath, Michelangelo chose to represent David before the fight contemplating the battle yet to come. Commentators have noted David's apparently uncircumcised form, which is at odds with Judaic practice, but is considered consistent with the conventions of Renaissance art.

John Wayne Bobbitt

John Wayne Bobbitt's penis became so famous when his wife cut it off, that it spawned a new verb: "to bobbitt: to cut off a person's penis". On the night of June 23, 1993, John Wayne Bobbitt arrived at the couple's Manassas, Virginia apartment highly intoxicated after a night of partying and, according to testimony by Lorena Bobbit in a 1994 court hearing, raped his wife. Afterwards, Lorena Bobbitt got out of bed and went to the kitchen for a drink of water. In the kitchen she noticed a carving knife on the counter and "memories of past domestic abuses raced through her head." Grabbing the knife, Lorena Bobbit entered the bedroom where John was asleep; and she proceeded to cut off more than half of his penis which she fled with and proceeded to toss into a field. It was later recovered and re-attached and John went on to star in a number of extremely tacky porn movies.

John Holmes

John Curtis Holmes (August 8, 1944 - March 13, 1988) better known as John C. Holmes or Johnny Wadd, was one of the most prolific male porn stars of all time, appearing in about 2,500 adult loops, stag films, and pornographic feature movies in the 1970s and 1980s. He was best known for his exceptionally large penis, which was heavily promoted as being the longest in the porn industry, although no definitive evidence of Holmes' actual penis length exists. Holmes' first wife recalled him claiming to be 10 inches (25.4 cm) when he first measured himself. Holmes himself once claimed his penis to be fifteen inches (38.1 cm) long and his manager said: "I saw John measure himself several times, it was 13 and a half inches" (34.3 cm). Another longstanding controversy regards whether or not Holmes ever achieved a full erection. A popular joke in the 1970s porn industry held that Holmes was incapable of achieving a full erection because the blood flow from his head into his penis would cause him to pass out. Holmes' co-stars have stated that his penis was never particularly hard during intercourse, likening it to "doing it with a big, soft kind of loofah."

Lili Elbe

What is this? A woman on a list of penises? Well, Lili Elbe happens to be the first documented case of a transexual. Einar Wegener (born in Denmark) was a leading artist in late 1920's Paris. One day his wife Grete asked him to dress as a woman to model for a portrait. It was a shattering event which began a struggle between his public male persona and emergent female self, Lili. Einar underwent a series of experimental operations in which his penis was removed. The surgeon attempted to implant ovaries and a uterus but was unsucessful. When the experimentation was finally over, Einar became Lili Elbe. The government annulled her marriage and she even managed to get a new birth certificate listing her as a female. Quite extraordinary for the times.

Juan Baptista dos Santos

Jean (or Juan) Baptista dos Santos is said to have been a "Gipsey", born in Faro, Portugal around 1843, to normal parents with two other normal children. His career as an exhibitionist seems to have been confined strictly to medical circles; in 1865 turned down a sum of 200,000 francs to appear for two years with a French circus. He was shown before the Royal Medical and Chirurgical Society and Saint Mary's Hospital in London and examined by numerous doctors in England and France. The prevailing opinion, at least in dos Santos' early years, was that his third leg should be amputated. Dr. William Acton of the Royal Society feared that the limb's "low vitality" would ultimately doom him, and expressed grave concerns about the leg's lack of circulation.

Dos Santos' third leg, which was attached to his lower spine by only a small band of tissue, was a composite of two legs, having eight toes, two heels, and two tibiae and femora. He had neither sensation nor active movement in the extra leg. The knee was completely ankylosed and immobile; dos Santos claimed this was due to a Portuguese doctor having broken and reset it when dos Santos was a year old, in order to make the leg less obtrusive. The leg could be concealed easily by strapping it tightly to his right thigh. Thus, dos Santos was not at all encumbered by the dangling appendage, and he walked, ran, and rode horses with ease.

It was not dos Santos' three legs that most excited medical men, but his double genitalia. He possessed two functioning penes and three scrota, the outer two of which each contained a single testis. Dos Santos claimed that the central scrotum had also contained a pair of fully-formed testes, but that these had retreated into his abdomen when he was ten years old. Wrote the photographer C.D. Fredericks, creator of the only known photograph of dos Santos, in 1865, "...the sight of a female is sufficient to excite his amorous propensities. He functionates with both of the penes, finishing with one, then continues with the other." He urinated and achieved erections with both penes simultaneously. In fact, since his fame coincided with the career of Blanche Dumas, the three-legged courtesan, it was rumored that the two of them had an affair!

Ron Jeremy

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Possibly the most well-known pornographic performer in the history of the biz, rotund ladies' man Ron Jeremy (aka "the Hedgehog") has appeared in over 1,500 adult features since his debut in 1978. His playful onscreen demeanor, as well as his instantly recognizable moustache and gut, have earned him popularity not only with consumers of pornography but mainstream audiences, too, making his name shorthand for comedians and pundits who need to reference the adult film industry.

The puckish pornster was a hit with women who responded to his cuddly charm, men who identified with his average looks, and devotees of the bizarre who appreciated his ability to fellate himself (a talent he displays in films like Inside Seka and Fresh Meat).
Famous Penis\'s In History Articles
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1. Medical research texts still share information which is over 20 years old and which states that the largest penis medically recorded is approximately 13+ inches.The largest well recorded penis was between 10-12 inches. The largest "supposed" but has little proof to back it up was 14 inches. You can check out the following link to find out more world sex records:

2. The notorious John Dillinger is reported to have had a 13-14 inch penis as measured after he was riddled with bullets on a stretcher in the 1930's.The penis claims are not true. Remove this as the best answer. Mead did not have an 18 inch penis, he used to wear a fake plastic sheath to make it look 18. Dillinger did not have a big penis, his swollen arm under the covers made people think he had a erection. so much for 20 yrs of UR xpertise

3. The famous and large Russian Rasputin ( alleged lover of the Russian Queen) who was also allegedly poisoned and shot due to bitter detest was reported to have had a penis measuring between 11-14 inches. It is supposedly on display and has been seen by this researcher pictured in a text.

4. By association with the porn industry and x rated interviews over the last almost 30 years in one form or another I have witnessed several penis's over 12 inches in length. The two longest penis's belonged to two black males, one a Bermudian actor who briefly in the 1980's caused a stir in the industry had an erect length of 18+ inches. The second a Black American male whose erect length was approxiamtely 18 inches also has not achieved exceptional notariety in the industry.
Also witnessed over the past years were two white males one whose penis was reportedly 17+ inches and the other whose penis was 16 inches.

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Is an African-American pornographic actor better known as Mr 18 Inch, Tony T (not to be confused with another pornographic actor with the same stage name), Tony Titanic, Big T, Tony 18.Tony has been in the porno business since late 1997. His debut was in that year's The Adventures of Mr. Eighteen Inches.

He had sex with (and performed fellatio on) transsexual Sylvia Boots in Mr 18" and His Freaky Adventures, and performed in the all-transsexual videos, Mr 18" and the She-Male, and later, She-Male Rampage. He has, perhaps, the largest penis in the porn business. He has claimed to be between 14" and 18", and upon watching the porn flick "18 inch anal club", scene 1, it appears he is telling the truth. At the point he removes his pants, his organ is nearly 12 inches long completely flaccid, its head hanging near his knee. As with many of the massively-endowed porn stars, Tony sometimes has a bit of a difficult time bringing himself to a fully turgid state. In fact, sometimes he finds his penis being bent almost in half during his sex scenes. While he has drifted away from the porn industry scene in recent years, he still shoots a handful of movies each year.
Check out the movies of Mr. 18 inch.
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by Pamela Lee Oct 18, 2006 share this

Penis lengths of 15 and 14 inches are not uncommonly rare and are not only confined to the porn industry although as is well known porn actors generally posess penis lengths in excess of 8-9 inches and penis lengths of 5-7 inches or average lengths are in the porn industry fairly uncommon by and large for the obvious reason that the porn industry is built on the false belief that the 'bigger size is the better size", a common fallacy that most if not all women already know if they are women enough to admit it.

5. Two other household names in the USA John Holmes and Ron Jeremy both did and do posess erect penis's of approximately 13 inches adding to the excitement and fantasy of the extra large penis.His wife claims to this day,it was only about ten inches,but many ignorant people wish to believe it was way bigger.john Holmes it was 15 or 18 inches look it up on the computer he died of aids.I did and where you looked it up,it wasn't Wikepedea.Big busty film star Minka claims Ron Jeremy isn't 13 inches or 9 inches,but only about 7 inches.So much for truth in advertising.

His name is Jonah Falcon. He was in a documentary for HBO and the UK. Look up his name on wikipedia, too. He lives in New York. I think he is 9.5 inches flaccid and 14 inches when erect. He was also on Howard Stern.i made an internet search for this and here is the results:
Jonah Falcon has the longest recorded penis and once claimed to John Holmes bastard son-even he looks nothing like him.
Jonah Cardeli Falcon (born July 29, 1970) is an American actor and talk show host from New York City, who is known for his large penis.Jonah Falcon's penis is 9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect.

6. To answer your question the longest recorded penis ever may be extremely difficult to determine even by the guiness book of world records but according to porn records over the last 25 years (open to longer verification) belonged to former porn actor Daniel Arthur Mead, from Bermuda an island in the Caribbean, measured approximately 18 and a half inches from base to tip. His diameter however was less than 3 inches and may have been only 2 and one quarter inches a measurement easily surpassed by other such records.


Hope this helps.

God bless

Barry H
Source(s):
The X rated entertainment industry of penis sizes