Thursday, August 8, 2019

'''Alfred E. Neuman '''

{{short description|The mascot for Mad magazine}}
{{Other uses|Alfred Neumann (disambiguation)|Alfred Newman (disambiguation)}}
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[[File:Mad30.jpg|thumb|Neuman on ''Mad'' 30]]
'''Alfred E. Neuman ''' is the fictitious [[mascot]] and cover boy of the American humor magazine ''[[Mad (magazine)|Mad]]''. The character's distinct face, with his parted red hair, gap-tooth smile, freckles, protruding nose, and scrawny body, had actually first emerged in U.S. [[Iconography#iconography and popular culture|iconography]] decades prior to his association with the magazine, appearing in early twentieth-century advertisements for painless dentistry—the origin of his "What, me worry?" motto—and, in the early 1930s, on a presidential campaign postcard with the caption, "Sure I'm for Roosevelt". The magazine's editor [[Harvey Kurtzman]] claimed the character in 1954, and he was named "Alfred E. Neuman" by Mad's second editor, [[Al Feldstein]], in 1956. Since his debut in ''Mad'', Neuman's likeness has appeared on the cover of all but a handful of the magazine's over 550 issues. Rarely seen in profile, Neuman has almost always been portrayed in front view, silhouette, or directly from behind.Maria Reidelbach. Completely Mad: A History of the Comic Book and Magazine (New York: Little Brown & Company, 1992).
==History==
[[Harvey Kurtzman]] first spotted the image on a postcard pinned to the office bulletin board of [[Ballantine Books]] editor [[Bernard Shir-Cliff]]. "It was a face that didn't have a care in the world, except mischief", recalled Kurtzman. Shir-Cliff was later a contributor to various magazines created by Kurtzman.Shir-Cliff, Bernard. "The Karate Lesson". ''Help!'', October 1964.
In November 1954, Neuman made his ''Mad'' debut on the front cover of Ballantine's ''The Mad Reader'', a paperback collection of reprints from the first two years of ''Mad''. The character's first appearance in the comic book was on the cover of ''Mad'' #21 (March 1955), in a tiny image as part of a mock advertisement. A rubber mask bearing his likeness with "idiot" written underneath was offered for $1.29.
[[File:MAD Magazine (no. 21, front cover).jpg|thumb|First cover appearance of Neuman, on ''Mad'' #21 (third from viewer's left of the six faces approx. 40% down the viewer's-right side)]]
''Mad'' switched to a magazine format starting with issue #24, and Neuman's face appeared in the top, central position of the illustrated border used on the covers, with his now-familiar signature phrase "What, me worry?" written underneath. Initially, the phrase was rendered "What? Me worry?" These borders were used for five more issues, through ''Mad'' #30 (December 1956).
The character was also shown on page 7 of Mad #24 as "Melvin Coznowski" and on page 63 as "Melvin Sturdley". In later issues he appeared as "Melvin Cowsnofsky" or "Mel Haney". In ''Mad'' #25, the face and name were shown together on separate pages as both Neuman and Mel Haney. The crowded cover shot on ''Mad'' #27 marked Neuman's first color appearance.
When [[Al Feldstein]] took over as ''Mad''{{-'}}s editor in 1956, he seized upon the face:
{{bquote|I decided that I wanted to have this visual logo as the image of ''Mad'', the same way that corporations had the [[Jolly Green Giant]] and the [[Nipper|dog]] barking {{sic}} at the gramophone for [[RCA]]. This kid was the perfect example of what I wanted. So I put an ad in ''[[The New York Times]]'' that said, "National magazine wants portrait artist for special project". In walked this little old guy in his sixties named [[Norman Mingo]], and he said, "What national magazine is this?" I said "Mad," and he said, "Goodbye." I told him to wait, and I dragged out all these examples and postcards of this idiot kid, and I said, "I want a definitive portrait of this kid. I don't want him to look like an idiot—I want him to be loveable and have an intelligence behind his eyes. But I want him to have this devil-may-care attitude, someone who can maintain a sense of humor while the world is collapsing around him." I adapted and used that portrait, and that was the beginning.}}
Mingo's defining portrait was used on the cover of ''Mad'' #30 in late 1956 as a supposed write-in candidate for the Presidency, and fixed his identity and appearance into the version that has been used ever since.Sam Sweet, "A Boy with No Birthday Turns Sixty," 'The Paris Review,' March 3, 2016 https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2016/03/03/a-boy-with-no-birthday-turns-sixty/> In November 2008, Mingo's original cover art featuring this first official portrait of Neuman sold at auction for $203,150. Mingo painted seven more Neuman covers through 1957, and later returned to become the magazine's signature cover artist throughout the 1960s and 1970s.  Mingo produced 97 ''Mad'' covers in total, and also illustrated dozens of additional cover images for ''Mad'''s many reprint Specials and its line of paperbacks.{{cite web|url=http://www.madcoversite.com/allthumbs2.html|website=Doug Gilford's Mad Cover Site |title=All Special Thumbs}}{{cite web|url=http://www.madcoversite.com/pbthumbs.html|title=Paperback Thumbs|website=Doug Gilford's Mad Cover Site}}
During Mingo's absence, [[Frank Kelly Freas]] rendered Neuman for ''Mad'' from 1958 to 1962.  Mingo's total surpassed Freas' in 1965, and his leading status endured until 2016, when current contributor [[Mark Fredrickson]] became the most prolific ''Mad'' cover artist with his 98th cover.
Neuman has appeared in one form or another on the cover of nearly every issue of ''Mad'' and its spinoffs since that issue and continuing to the present day, with a small handful of exceptions. Two such departures were ''Mad'' #233 (September 1982) which replaced Neuman's image with that of [[Pac-Man]], and ''Mad'' #195 (December 1977) which instead featured the message "Pssst! Keep This Issue Out of the Hands of Your Parents! (Make 'Em Buy Their Own Copy!)". Even when Neuman is not part of the cover gag, or when the cover is entirely text-based, his disembodied head generally appears in miniature form. The most notorious Neuman-free cover was #166 (April 1974), which featured a human hand giving the profane "middle [[finger (gesture)|finger]]" gesture while declaring ''Mad'' to be "The Number One Ecch Magazine".[http://www.madcoversite.com/mad166id.jpg Cover image to ''Mad'' #166 at madcoversite.com] Some newsstands that normally carried ''Mad'' chose not to display or sell this issue.Michelle Nati, "12 More Of The Most Controversial Magazine Covers," 'Oddee' website, May 21, 2014
Conversely, the two covers that featured Neuman the most times were #502 (January 2010), and #400 (December 2000).  #502 featured a human hand giving the "[[thumbs down]]" signal, while wearing a silver-spangled glove in the style of singer [[Michael Jackson]].  Each individual spangle, more than 300 in all, was a tiny Alfred E. Neuman face.[http://www.madcoversite.com/mad502id.jpg Cover image to ''Mad'' #502 at madcoversite.com]  The cover of issue #400 was a [[photomosaic]] of Neuman's face, composed of more than 2,700 images of previous ''Mad'' covers.[http://www.madcoversite.com/mad400id.jpg Cover image to ''Mad'' #400 at madcoversite.com]
Neuman's ubiquity as a grinning cover boy grew as the magazine's circulation quadrupled, but the single highest-selling issue of ''Mad'' depicted only his feet. The cover image of issue #161,[http://www.madcoversite.com/mad161id.jpg Cover image to ''Mad'' #161 at madcoversite.com] spoofing the 1972 film ''[[The Poseidon Adventure (1972 film)|The Poseidon Adventure]]'', showed Neuman floating upside-down inside a life preserver.  The original art for this cover was purchased at auction in 1992 for $2,200 by Annie Gaines, the widow of ''Mad'' founder and publisher [[William Gaines]], and subsequently given on permanent loan to ''Mad'' writer [[Dick DeBartolo]].DeBartolo, Dick. ''Good Days and Mad: A Hysterical Tour Behind the Scenes at Mad Magazine''. New York: Thunder's Mouth Press, 1994. The image was copied in 1998 for issue #369 spoofing the hit film ''[[Titanic (1997 film)|Titanic]]''.
A female version of Neuman, named "Moxie Cowznofski", appeared briefly during the late 1950s, occasionally described in editorial text as Neuman's "girlfriend". Neuman and Moxie were sometimes depicted side-by-side, defeating any speculation that Moxie was possibly Neuman in female guise. Her name was inspired by [[Moxie]], a soft drink manufactured in [[Portland, Maine]], which was sold nationwide in the 1950s and whose logo appeared as a running visual gag in many early issues of ''Mad''.
In late 1959, ''Mad'' released a [[single (music)|45 rpm single]] entitled "What—Me Worry?" ([[ABC-Paramount]] 10013), by "Alfred E. Neuman and His Furshlugginer Five", featuring an uncredited voice actor singing as Neuman. (The B-side of the single, "[[Potrzebie]]", is an instrumental.){{cite web
  |url = https://www.discogs.com/Alfred-E-Neuman-And-His-Furshlugginer-Five-What-Me-Worry-Potrzebie/release/1977279
  |title =  Alfred E. Neuman And His Furshlugginer Five – What - Me Worry? / Potrzebie
  |accessdate = 2018-12-03
  |date =
  |publisher = Discogs
}}

''Mad'' routinely portrays Neuman in the guise of another character or inanimate object for its cover images.
Since his initial unsuccessful run in 1956, Neuman has periodically been re-offered as a candidate for [[President of the United States|President]] with the slogan, "You could do worse... and always have!"
[[File:Alfred E. Neumann.jpg|left|thumb|Early image of the "Me Worry?" kid, from the early 1950s]]
Along with his face, ''Mad'' also includes a short humorous quotation credited to Neuman with every issue's table of contents. (Example: ''"It takes one to know one... and vice versa!"'')  Some of these quotations were collected in the 1997 book ''Mad: The Half-Wit and Wisdom of Alfred E. Neuman'', which was illustrated by [[Sergio Aragonés]].
Neuman is now used exclusively as a mascot and iconic symbol of the magazine, but before this status was codified, he was referenced in several early articles. In one, Neuman answered a letter from a suicidal reader by giving "expert advice" on the best technique for tying a hangman's knot.  Other articles featured the school newspaper of "Neuman High School", and a bulletin from "Alfred E. Neuman University". An article entitled "Alfred E. Neuman's Family Tree" depicted historical versions of Neuman from various eras. Since then, Neuman has appeared only occasionally inside the magazine's articles. A recurring article titled "Alfred's Poor Almanac" (a parody of [[Poor Richard's Almanac]]) showed his face atop the page, but otherwise the character had no role in the text. In a 1968 article, Neuman's face was assembled, feature by feature, from parts of photographs of well-known politicos, including then-[[President of the United States|President]] [[Lyndon B. Johnson]] (left ear), [[Richard Nixon]] (nose), [[Oregon]] [[Governor of Oregon|Governor]] [[Mark Hatfield]] (eyes), and [[Ronald Reagan]] (hair). The gap in his teeth (which was otherwise the grin of [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]) came from "The '[[Credibility Gap]]' Created by Practically All Politicians".
Neuman's famous [[motto]] is the intellectually incurious "What, me worry?" This was changed for one issue to "Yes, me worry!" after the [[Three Mile Island accident]] in 1979. On the cover of current printings of the paperback ''The Ides of Mad'', as rendered by long-time cover artist Norman Mingo, Neuman is portrayed as a [[Ancient Rome|Roman]] bust with his catch phrase engraved on the base, translated into [[Dog Latin]]—''Quid, Me Anxius Sum?''
Neuman's surname is often misspelled as "Newman".{{cite web|url=http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22alfred+e.+newman%22&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=|title=Google search for "Alfred E. Newman"|publisher=}}
Neuman's most prominent physical feature is his gap-toothed grin, with a few notable exceptions. On the cover of issue #236 (January 1983), Neuman was featured with [[E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial]]. The cover showed E.T. using his famous "healing finger" to touch Neuman's mouth and cause the missing tooth to appear. The cover of issue #411 (November 2001), the first to be produced following the [[9/11 attacks]] in the United States, showed a close-up of Neuman's face, but his gap was now filled with an [[American flag]]. A text gag on the cover of issue #263 (June 1986) claimed that the [[Universal Product Code|UPC]] was really a "Close-up Photograph of Neuman's Missing Tooth".
Neuman also appeared as himself in a political cartoon{{vague|date=December 2018}}, after ''[[Newsweek]]'' had been criticized for using computer graphics to retouch the teeth of [[McCaughey septuplets|Bobbi McCaughey]]. The cartoon was rendered in the form of a split-screen comparison, in which Neuman was featured on the cover of ''Mad'' with his usual gap-toothed grin, then also featured on the cover of ''Newsweek'', but with a perfect smile.
Despite the primacy of Neuman's incomplete smile, his other facial features have occasionally attracted notice.  Artist [[Andy Warhol]] said that seeing Neuman taught him to love people with big ears.{{cite news| url=http://topics.nytimes.com/topics/reference/timestopics/organizations/m/mad_magazine/index.html |title=MAD Magazine News |work=The New York Times |first=David |last=Hajdu}}
In 1958, ''Mad'' published letters from several readers noting the resemblance between Neuman and England's [[Charles, Prince of Wales|Prince Charles]], then nine years old."Letters Dept". ''Mad'' 38 (March 1958). Shortly thereafter, an angry letter under a [[Buckingham Palace]] letterhead arrived at the ''Mad'' offices: "Dear Sirs No it isn't a bit—not the least little bit like me. So jolly well stow it! See! Charles. P." The letter was authenticated as having been written on triple-cream laid royal stationery bearing an official copper-engraved crest. The postmark indicated it had been mailed from a post office within a short walking distance of [[Buckingham Palace]]. Unfortunately, the original disappeared years ago while on loan to another magazine and has never been recovered.Reidelbach, Maria. ''Completely Mad'', New York: Little Brown, 1991. {{ISBN|0-316-73890-5}}
For many years, ''Mad'' sold prints of the official portrait of Neuman through a small house ad on the letters page of the magazine. In the early years, the price was one for 25 cents; three for 50 cents; nine for a dollar; or 27 for two dollars. The ad stated that the prints could also be used for wrapping fish.
A live-action version of Neuman—an uncredited actor wearing a mask—appears briefly in the 1980 film ''[[Up the Academy]]'' which was originally released to theaters as ''Mad Magazine Presents Up the Academy''. ''Mad'' later pulled its support from the film, and all footage of the Neuman character was excised from North American home video and television releases, although it was reinstated for the 2006 DVD release.
Neuman appeared occasionally in the early seasons of ''[[MADtv]]'' during sketches and interstitials, and briefly appeared in the animated TV series ''[[Mad (TV series)|Mad]]''.
==Genesis==
[[File:The New Boy - Los Angeles Herald.jpg|thumb|The New Boy—1894]]
[[File:YellowKid.jpeg|thumb|[[The Yellow Kid]], 1897]]
[[File:Antikamnia neuman.jpg|thumb|1908 [[Antikamnia]] Tablet Calendar]]
Neuman's precise origin is shrouded in mystery and may never be fully known.  A collection of early Neumanesque images can be found in [[Maria Reidelbach]]'s comprehensive work, ''Completely Mad: A History of the Comic Book and Magazine'' (Little, Brown, 1991). ''Mad'' publisher [[Bill Gaines]] gave Reidelbach total access to the magazine's own files, including the collection of Neuman-related images that had been assembled for a 1965 copyright infringement lawsuit.{{cite web|url=http://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/F2/342/143/248360|title=Helen Pratt Stuff, Plaintiff-appellant, v. E. C. Publications, Inc., William M. Gaines, Independent News Co., Crown Publishers, Inc., Ballantine Books, Inc., Defendants-appellees, 342 F.2d 143 (2d Cir. 1965)|publisher=}}
The earliest image cited in Reidelbach's book is from an advertisement for Atmore's Mince Meat, Genuine English Plum Pudding.  She wrote that, "[d]ating from 1895, this is the oldest verified image of the boy....  The kid's features are fully developed and unmistakable, and the image was very likely taken from an older archetype..." After the publication of the book, an older "archetype" was discovered in an advertisement for the comical stage play, ''The New Boy'', which debuted on Broadway in 1894.  The image is nearly identical to what later appears in the Atmore's ads.Peter Jensen Brown, ''The Real Alfred E'', http://therealalfrede.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-real-alfred-e.html>
A description of the stage play's advertisement was published in the December 2, 1894, ''[[Los Angeles Herald]]''. Using words that could easily be describing the character of Alfred E. Neuman, the paper reported that the "comic red-headed urchin with a joyous grin all over his freckled face, whose phiz [face] is the trademark of the comedy, is so expressive of the rollicking and ridiculous that the New York Herald and the Evening Telegram have applied it to political cartoon purposes."  Elements of the plot of the play explain why the character has adult and childlike features, why the character is dressed as he is, and how he may have lost his teeth. The original ''New Boy'' image was published with a two-part phrase that is similar in tone to Neuman's, "What? Me Worry?" catch phrase: "What's the good of anything?—Nothing!"
The ''New Boy'' advertising image was copied widely in advertising for "painless" dentistry and other products.  It is also possible that the image influenced the look of [[The Yellow Kid]], the 1890s character from [[Richard F. Outcault]]'s strip ''Hogan's Alley''.  The image was used for a variety of purposes nearly continuously until it was adopted by ''Mad''.
[[File:Me worry? No, I buy auto parts from James Evans Parts Co., 337 West Tyler St., Longview, Texas.jpg|thumb|left|Postcard from 1930 to 1945 with a similar boy and slogan to ''Mad''{{'}}s Neuman]]
Similar faces turned up in advertising for "painless" dentistry. According to Gaines, 'Alfie' has his origin in Topeka with the Painless Romine Topeka Dental College, actually a dental group at 704 Kansas Avenue, at the office of Dr. William Romine—often misspelled as Romaine—a dentist who resided and practiced in Wichita.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pG6tPem4-zc&t=528shttps://www.kshs.org/index.php?url=kansapedia/painless-romine/12186 A face virtually identical to Neuman's appears in the 1923 issue of the [[University of Minnesota]] humor magazine ''The Guffer'' above the caption "Medic After Passing Con Exam in [[Physical chemistry|P. Chem.]]" Another identical face shows up in the logo for Happy Jack Beverages, a soda drink produced by the A. B. Cook company in 1939. An almost-identical image appeared as "[[nose art]]" on an [[United States|American]] [[World War II]] [[bomber]], over the motto "Me Worry?" (this painted face was sometimes referred to as "The Jolly Boy").{{cite web|url=http://www.nose-art.net/315th-III/315th-3.htm |title=315th III |publisher=Nose-art.net |date= |accessdate=2010-07-10| archiveurl= https://web.archive.org/web/20100621051706/http://www.nose-art.net/315th-III/315th-3.htm| archivedate= 21 June 2010 | deadurl= no}}
Neuman's image was also used negatively, as a "supporter" of rival political candidates, with the idea that only an idiot would vote for them.  In 1940, those opposing [[Franklin Delano Roosevelt]]'s third-term reelection bid distributed postcards with a similar caricature bearing the caption, "Sure I'm for Roosevelt".  In some instances, there was also the implication that the "idiot" was in fact a [[Jew]]ish caricature. [[Carl Djerassi]]'s autobiography claims that in [[Vienna]] after the [[Anschluss]], he saw posters with a similar face and the caption ''Tod den Juden'' ("Kill the Jews").Some sorts say the images was also lifted from a picture of some kid,in a vintage photograph.
The [[EC Comics|EC]] editors grew up listening to radio, and this was frequently reflected in their stories, names and references. The name "Alfred E. Neuman" derived from comedian [[Henry Morgan (comedian)|Henry Morgan]]'s "Here's Morgan" radio series on Mutual, ABC and NBC. One character on his show had a name that was a reference to composer [[Alfred Newman (composer)|Alfred Newman]], who scored many films and also composed the [[20th Century Fox#Logo and fanfare|familiar fanfare]] that accompanies [[20th Century Fox]]'s opening film logo.{{cite web|url=http://potrzebie.blogspot.com/2008/03/in-early-1950s-bill-gaines-and-harvey.html|title=Kurtzman, Harvey. "That Face on ''Mad'''', February 6, 1975.|publisher=}} The possible inspiration for Henry Morgan was that [[Laird Cregar]] portrayed Sir [[Henry Morgan]] in ''[[The Black Swan (film)|The Black Swan]]'' (1942) with [[Tyrone Power]], and the Oscar-nominated score for that film was by Newman. Listening to the sarcastic Morgan's brash broadcasts, the ''Mad'' staff took note and reworked the name into Neuman, as later recalled by Kurtzman:
{{bquote|The name Alfred E. Neuman was picked up from [[Alfred Newman (composer)|Alfred Newman]], the music arranger from back in the 1940s and 1950s,mixed with the Mayor Alfred E.Smith ,better known as [[Al Smith]]. Actually, we borrowed the name indirectly through ''The Henry Morgan Show''. He was using the name Newman for an innocuous character that you'd forget in five minutes. So we started using the name Alfred Neuman. The readers insisted on putting the name and the face together, and they would call the "What, Me Worry?" face Alfred Neuman.}} Morgan later became a ''Mad'' contributor, with "The Truth about Cowboys" in issue #33.
When ''Mad'' was sued for copyright infringement by a woman claiming to hold the rights to the image, the magazine argued that it had copied the picture from various materials dating back to 1911 (which pre-dated the plaintiff's own claim). The lawsuit was unsuccessful, and the boy's face is now permanently associated with ''Mad''—so much so, in fact, that according to ''Mad'' writer [[Frank Jacobs]], the [[US Post Office]] once delivered a letter to the ''Mad'' offices bearing only a picture of Neuman, without any other address or identifying features.
In 2008, [[Eastern Michigan University]] held an exhibit and symposium on the evolution of Neuman images, dating back to 1877.{{cite web|url=http://www.madmumblings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3592|title=Mad Mumblings :: View topic – Alfred E. Neuman History Show at EMU in Ypsilanti, Michigan|publisher=|access-date=2008-01-05|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20090122043629/http://www.madmumblings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3592|archive-date=2009-01-22|dead-url=yes|df=}}Kimberly Buchholz, [http://www.emich.edu/focus_emu/010808/winterart.html "Winter Art Series starts off 'Mad'"] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20120217104023/http://www.emich.edu/focus_emu/010808/winterart.html |date=2012-02-17 }}, ''Focus EMU Online'', Jan. 8, 2008, Eastern Michigan University
Several pre–''New Boy'' images that bear some resemblance to Neuman have also been identified.  A number may be seen on John Adcock's ''Mysteries of Melvin'' blog-posting{{cite web|first=John |last=Adcock |title=Mysteries of Melvin|url= http://john-adcock.blogspot.com/2010/02/mysteries-of-melvin_17.html}}> and another at leconcombre.com.{{cite web|url=http://www.leconcombre.com/concpost/us/postcard4/alfred_e_neuman_documents.html|title=What Me Worry ? – The Idiot Kid|publisher=leconcombre.com}}  The earlier images, however, do not share the missing teeth/tooth or the head-and-shoulders framing and head-on pose.
In 2012, longtime editor [[Nick Meglin]] offered a streamlined, exasperated version of Neuman's origins:
{{bquote|Oh, don't ask me about Alfred E. Neuman.  That story is so old and so meaningless.  Does the average ''[[Playboy]]'' reader care about where the rabbit came from?  It's just a symbol that lets you know what's on the inside.  It's just a name we made up.  We had 20, and that's the one we settled on.{{Cite web |url=http://www.menafn.com/menafn/05067360-756a-4cd7-b74e-ab3922d3da42/Durham-resident-Meglin-to-speak-about-his-MAD-life?src=main |title=Durham resident Meglin to speak about his MAD life |access-date=2012-12-03 |archive-url=https://archive.is/20130128124056/http://www.menafn.com/menafn/05067360-756a-4cd7-b74e-ab3922d3da42/Durham-resident-Meglin-to-speak-about-his-MAD-life?src=main |archive-date=2013-01-28 |dead-url=yes |df= }}}}
==Cultural impact==
[[File:Crazy44.jpg|thumb|Alfred E. Neuman has become so closely associated with ''[[Mad (magazine)|Mad]]'' that the image has even been used to parody the long-running satire magazine itself.]]Over the decades, Neuman has frequently been referenced in outside media, and his face has often appeared in political cartoons as a shorthand for unquestioning stupidity.
Freas painted the August 1971 cover of ''[[National Lampoon (magazine)|National Lampoon]]'' which merged Neuman's features with those of the court-martialed [[Vietnam War]] murderer [[William Calley]], complete with the phrase, 'What, [[My Lai]]?"{{cite web|url=http://www.marksverylarge.com/issue-index/1971-08/|title=''National Lampoon'' Issue #17 – Bummer|publisher=}} However, Neuman's motto has also been referenced in a non-pejorative fashion, as at the [[Woodstock]] Music Festival in 1969. [[Jimi Hendrix]] spoke to the audience about the various changes of personnel in his band, and their lack of rehearsal time, while saying "What, me worry?"  The tenth ''[[American Idol]]'' winner, [[Scotty McCreery]], has a striking resemblance to Neuman.  When judge [[Steven Tyler]] pointed this out on the show, McCreery replied, "What, me worry?"
In an extended sequence of the comic strip ''[[Peanuts]]'' from 1973 (later recreated in the 1983 TV special ''It's An Adventure, Charlie Brown''), [[Charlie Brown]] becomes so obsessed with baseball that everything round starts looking like a baseball to him. Soon his own round head develops a rash that makes the back of his skull look like a baseball, and he starts wearing a paper bag on his head to hide it. Ironically, while hidden from view, his popularity and respect increase. He is referred to by the other campers as "Mr. Sack" or "Sack", but is also voted camp president and is widely admired. The rash eventually fades from his head, but Charlie Brown still fears that the next round thing he expects to see—a sunrise—may continue to look like a baseball. When the sun does rise, it instead looks like Neuman, with a halo reading: "What! Me Worry?"! {{cite web|url=http://www.peanuts.com/comicstrips/3261561/|title=Peanuts, July 5, 1973}}{{cite web|url=http://www.animationnation.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=001436;p=|title=Animation Nation|publisher=}}
Neuman also appeared as a sight gag in the March 27, 1967, installment of the comic strip ''[[Beetle Bailey]]'', as an inspector general.Walker, Mort. ''I Don't Want to be Out Here Any More Than You Do, Beetle Bailey''. New York: Tempo books, 1970. {{ISBN|0-448-12256-1}} He can also be spotted in ''[[The Amazing Spider-Man]]'' #300, helping [[Spider-Man|Peter Parker]] and [[Mary Jane Watson|Mary Jane]] move into their new house, while saying, "Darn! I'm missing the [[New Jersey Nets|Nets]] game! That makes me Mad!" Similarly, when, in 1959's ''[[Superman (comic book)|Superman]]'' #126, [[Superman]] decides to test [[Lois Lane]] by removing a rubber Superman mask in order to reveal his "real" identity, his identity is none other than Neuman. [[DC Comics]]' "[[Joker (comics)|Emperor Joker]]" storyline includes a cult that worships a deity named Alfred E.; the high priest of this cult wears a mask identical to Neuman's face.
Neuman and ''Mad'' have been referenced several times on the animated series ''[[The Simpsons]]''. In the episode "[[Marge in Chains]]", [[Marge Simpson|Marge]] is arrested and in prison she meets an inmate called Tattoo Annie who has a [[Mad fold-in|fold-in]] tattoo that reveals Neuman with the text: "What me Worry?". The original phrase was "What kind of slime would I marry?". In the episode "[[The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson]]", [[Bart Simpson|Bart]] comes into contact with Neuman during a visit to the ''Mad'' offices. Neuman demands to see "Kaputnik and Fonebone" (which are references to deceased long-time ''Mad'' artists [[Dave Berg (cartoonist)|Dave Berg]] and [[Don Martin (cartoonist)|Don Martin]], respectively) for their work on ''New Kids on the Blecch'' (which would later become the title of another episode), and requests some "furshlugginer [[pastrami]] sandwiches". An awestruck Bart announces that he will "never wash these eyes again". In the episode "[[New Kids on the Blecch]]", Bart's boy band is booked to play a gig on an aircraft carrier, but their band manager plots to use the craft's weaponry to destroy the ''Mad'' offices when he discovers the magazine plans to publish a defamatory article about the band. ''Mad'''s New York headquarters were depicted as a skyscraper similar to the [[Chrysler Building]] with a giant three-dimensional replica of Neuman's head mounted on the roof.  In the episode "[[Father Knows Worst]]", Homer and Bart visit a hobby shop that includes an [[Aurora Plastics Corporation|Aurora model]]-style kit of Neuman holding several protest signs.
In a segment of his 1958 television special, [[Fred Astaire]] danced while wearing a rubber Neuman mask.Reidelbach, Maria, ''Completely Mad'', pg. 203, Little Brown & Co., 1991. ''[[Mystery Science Theater 3000]]'' made multiple references to Neuman, including episode #602 featuring ''[[Invasion U.S.A. (1952 film)|Invasion U.S.A.]]'' Upon seeing director [[Alfred E. Green]]'s name in the film's opening credits, [[Crow T. Robot]], in a slightly idiotic tone, riffs "What? Me direct?" An animated 1996 sketch on ''[[MADtv]]'' combining ''[[Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer]]'' with ''[[The Godfather]]'' was credited to "[[Mario Puzo|Alfred E. Puzo]]" and "[[Francis Ford Coppola|Francis E. Neuman]]".
Another homage to the name was "Al Freddy Newham", as used on the cover of the April 1967 issue of the amateur radio enthusiast's ''[[73 (magazine)|73 Magazine]]'', preparing to ineptly solder the frayed cord of a soldering gun with the same damaged gun.{{cite web|url=http://www.radiolabworks.com/73mag/73_6.html|title=73 Magazine – Mad Parody Cover|publisher=}}  Neuman appears briefly, in clay animated form, in Jimmy Picker's 1983 stop motion animated film, ''Sundae in New York''.  He also makes a cameo in the 1988 [[Daffy Duck]] cartoon ''[[The Night of the Living Duck]]''. A [[doodle]] of Neuman appears on a soldier's helmet in [[Oliver Stone]]'s 1986 Vietnam film ''[[Platoon (film)|Platoon]]''.  Lyrically, Neuman is invoked by the [[Beastie Boys]] on their song "[[Shadrach (Beastie Boys song)|Shadrach]]".{{cite web|url=http://www.sklar.com/page/article/shadrach |title=A Postmodern Analysis of Beastie Boys' "Shadrach" |publisher=sklar.com |date= |accessdate=2010-07-10}} A 1980 ''[[Password Plus]]'' episode featured Neuman's name as an answer, using the clues "Freckles", "Mad", "Magazine", "Cover", and "Kid". ([[Elaine Joyce]] solved the puzzle after "Cover"). He can be glimpsed holding a fish on the cover of the album ''[[Slow Motion (Man album)|Slow Motion]]'' by [[Man (band)|Man]].
A statue of Neuman can be found at the [[Dort Mall]] in [[Flint, Michigan]].{{cite web|url=https://www.flickr.com/photos/the_mel/9363398782/in/photolist-fgpSf3-DwZzT |title=Statue of Neuman at the Dort Mall in Flint, Michigan |publisher=flickr.com |date= |accessdate=2018-09-20}}
===Politics===
During the [[Presidency of George W. Bush|administration]] of [[United States]] President George W. Bush, Neuman's features were frequently merged with those of Bush by editorial cartoonists such as [[Mike Luckovich]] and [[Tom Tomorrow]]. The image has also appeared on magazine covers, notably ''[[The Nation]]''.{{cite web|url=http://www.thenation.com/issue/november-13-2000|title=''The Nation'' November 13 2000|date=13 November 2000|publisher=}} A large Bush/Neuman poster was part of the Washington protests that accompanied Bush's 2001 inauguration. The alleged resemblance between the two has been noted more than once by [[Hillary Clinton]]. On July 10, 2005, speaking at the Aspen Institute's Ideas Festival, she said, "I sometimes feel that Alfred E. Neuman is in charge in Washington," referring to Bush's purported "What, me worry?" attitude.[http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/news/2005/07/12/2005-07-12_gop_big_mad_over_hil_zinger.html Joe Mahoney. "GOP BIG MAD OVER HIL ZINGER"] {{Webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20100404152023/http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/news/2005/07/12/2005-07-12_gop_big_mad_over_hil_zinger.html |date=2010-04-04 }} ''[[New York Daily News]]'' July 12, 2005 At the October 2008 [[Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner]], then-Presidential candidate [[Barack Obama]] joked, "It's often been said that I share the politics of [[Alfred E. Smith]] and the ears of Neuman."{{cite news| url=https://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/17/us/politics/17smith.html | work=The New York Times | title=At Dinner, McCain and Obama Share Some Laughs. No Joke | first1=Michael | last1=Cooper | first2=Jeff | last2=Zeleny | date=October 17, 2008}}
During an interview on May 10, 2019, President [[Donald Trump]] said "Alfred E. Neuman cannot become president of the United States", in reference to presidential candidate [[Pete Buttigieg]].{{cite web|url=https://www.politico.com/story/2019/05/10/trump-pete-buttigieg-nickname-1317460|title=Trump’s new nickname for Pete Buttigieg: ‘Alfred E. Neuman’|author=Daniel Lippman, Andrew Restuccia and Eliana Johnson|publisher=Politico |date=2019-05-10 |accessdate=2019-05-11}} [[Mad (magazine)|''Mad'' magazine]] also referenced Pete Buttigieg on social media.{{Cite web|url=https://politi.co/2PVk2vh|title=Mad magazine trolls Buttigieg on Trump nickname response|last=Forgey|first=Quint|website=POLITICO|language=en|access-date=2019-05-13}}
Neuman's features have also been compared to others in the public eye, including [[Prince Charles]], [[Rick Astley]], [[MC Pedrinho]], [[Ted Koppel]], [[Oliver North]], [[Pete Buttigieg]] and [[David Letterman]].{{cite web|title=The Long, Tangled History of Alfred E. Neuman|url=https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2016/03/03/a-boy-with-no-birthday-turns-sixty/|accessdate=8 April 2019}} German weekly [[Der Spiegel]] merged Neuman's likeness with that of then candidate for [[Conservative Party (UK)|British Conservative Party]] leadership [[Boris Johnson]] for their July 20, 2019 issue.{{cite web|url=https://www.spiegel.de/international/europe/what-a-prime-minister-boris-johnson-could-mean-for-europe-a-1278073.html|title= Mad in Britain: How Boris Johnson Turned the British against Europe |last=Schindler|first=Jörg|website=Spiegel Online|language=en|access-date=2019-07-23}}
==References==
{{reflist|30em}}
==External links==
{{Commons category|Alfred E. Neuman}}
* [http://www.toonopedia.com/alfred_e.htm Alfred E. Neuman] at [[Don Markstein's Toonopedia]]. [https://www.webcitation.org/6bCR6GWaM?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftoonopedia.com%2Falfred_e.htm Archived] from the original on August 31, 2015.
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20100324051541/http://www.madtrash.com/simpsons/ Alfred E. Neuman in ''The Simpsons'']
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20090905001320/http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/news/2005/04/12/2005-04-12_party_gotta_fight_back__sez_.html ''New York Daily News'': Senator Hillary Clinton compares George W. Bush with Alfred E. Neuman]
* [http://wfmuichiban.blogspot.com/2012/03/its-gas.html 1962 advertisement for a $4.95 Alfred E. Neuman mask]
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20090122043629/http://www.madmumblings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3592 19th-century Neuman images]
* [http://www.toledoblade.com/Art/2008/01/20/Mad-for-Alfred-A-new-exhibit-shows-Mad-magazine-s-poster-boy-has-a-shadowy-past.html Article showing early Alfred images]
* [http://madtrash.com/the-origin-of-neuman-dept/ The Origins of Neuman - The Bizarre History of a 125-Year-Old Fool]
{{Mad magazine}}
{{Authority control}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Neuman, Alfred E.}}
[[Category:American comics characters]]
[[Category:American mascots]]
[[Category:Comedy characters]]
[[Category:Mad (magazine)]]
[[Category:Magazine mascots]]
[[Category:Male characters in comics]]

Thursday, July 25, 2019

The Private Lives of Pompeii (Ancient Rome Documentary) | Timeline

What Is The Average Penis Size In 2019? (Based On Scientific Studies)

So many guys are worried about the size of their equipment.
Is my penis size normal?
Is it too big?
Too small?

How does it rate vs others?

What do women think is the perfect cock size?

You'll get all the answers, I spent over 70 hours researching this topic, digging up studies & talking to people.

I'll cover this and a lot more in this article:
  • How To Measure Your Penis Length & Girth?
  • All Sizes From 3–9 Inch Penises Reviewed, How Common They Are & How To Use Them Best?
  • Is Curved, Bent or Crooked Penis Normal?
  • What is Peyronie’s disease?
  • Broken Penis: Can You Break Your Penis?
  • What Are The Best Sex Positions For Small Penis? (sex wedges help tons)
  • Erection 101: How To Get A Hard On Instantly & Stay Erect For Hours
  • 🚨 Women Answer: What Do They Think About Penis Sizes & How Important Is it? Do Women like Big Dicks?🚨
Let's rest the case with the first question:

What is the average penis size in 2019?

I'm guessing you're asking about erect penis size.
The short answer?: 5 inches
There are tons of different studies done, but in all of them, the average penis size (length) is between 5.1 to 5.6 inches (13 cm to 14,2 cm).
Here are a few of them:
  • In 2015 study BJU international did a study of 15,521 men and found that the average erected penis size was 5.16 inches (13.12.cm), girth — 4.56 inches (9.31cm)
  • In the Journal of Urology study (1996), researchers did a study of 80 men and the average size was 5.1 inches (12.9cm) for an erect penis.
  • In other study from 2014, researchers measured 1,661 sexually active men in the US and found that average erect penis size was 5.6 inches (14.15 cm) and girth 4.8 inches (12.23 cm)
So based on data most men have a normal, average penis that women are satisfied with.
What was interesting to me was to check how many people search on Google (US) for different penis sizes.
Here's data:
  • 3 inch penis —1.400 searches/month
  • 4 inch penis — 2.900 searches/month
  • 5 inch penis — 4.700 searches/month
  • 6 inch penis —4.700 searches/month
  • 7 inch penis — 5.200 searches/month
  • 8 inch penis —3.400 searches/month
  • 9 inch penis —2.700 searches/month
As you can see even Google searches show that most guys have 5–6-inch penises :) Google doesn't lie, huh?
Also, interesting data is that 50% of penis size searches come from the USA, and the other 50% from the rest of the world.
Seems like US people have the biggest insecurities around their penis size.
If you're still insecure about your penis size, girth, curve, check out AveragePenis subreddit where normal guys share the pictures of their average erect penises.
And keep reading, cuz I'll cover how to use small or big penis to your advantage..!
Porn has put a lot of us in defensive, we feel insecure because chances are we've only seen other erect penis on the porn huh?
Ninja tip: If you still want to get bigger, you can use a penis sleeve, that you can put on top of your penis and suddenly be hung like horse (for real).
Penis pumps or jelqing also works but will take quite a lot of time investment and work. But where is a will there is a way huh?

The Best Water Based Hydro Pump: Bathmate HydroMax7

As it comes for a pump that could really help with penis enlargement, there is really only one reliable option.
Please don’t buy anything on Amazon for PE pumps, they are really crappy (just read the reviews).
BathMate is the original inventor of hydro pumps, they are not the cheapest, but THEY WORK.
Oh, and you will use it in water (hence the bath…mate).
This pump helps both with ED and PE.
Find it on LoveHoney here.


How To Measure Your Penis Length & Girth?

So we mentioned before the average lengths and girths, but how do you correctly measure your own penis?

Here's how you measure your penis length:

  • measure it when erect (it will give the most accurate results since limp penis size can differ)
  • get a measuring tape — the solid one is the most accurate or just use inch ruler (from school, work)
  • measure penis in a straight line from the top of the penis till the pubic bone (push through the pubic hair)
  • and you're done.
This is how the researchers from the 2015 study I mentioned above-measured penises. So now you can go back and compare your size!
Average penis size (length) is between 5.1 to 5.6 inches (13 cm to 14,2 cm)
Real size version ruler of average penis length →

How To Measure Your Penis Girth?

For this, you'll need the flexible tape measure, like the one you would use to measure your waist size.
  • make sure your penis is erect
  • wrap it around your penis shaft where it's the biggest (closer to the balls)
  • check the result.
Average penis girth is — 4.56 inches (9.31cm)

All Sizes From 3–9 Inch Penises Reviewed, How Common They Are & How To Use Them Best?

Okay, now you know your penis size.
What can you do with it?
Let's look at all sizes starting from 3 inches up to 9 inches and discuss the pros and cons of each.

3 inch penis

3 inches is the size of the credit card.
It's below average and online searches show that around 5% of men have it.
Real size version so you can compare
It's pretty rare to have them, yet usually, the small penis has bigger girth and women have reported that girth is even more important than length.
You can also use help of sex toys like penis sleeves — it feels great for both because you are still driving it. Plus, some sleeves have ribbed inside so it feels great for you. A great fix if your woman prefers bigger.
There's also nothing bad if you use a fun fantasy dildo during the play. Why wouldn't you?
The good thing about having a short penis is that you can easily angle it to hit the woman's g-spot ;)
Either missionary with a man on top or doggy style is your best positions because you can easily adjust the angle for her G. (or use help of sex wedge to get that perfect angle.
Small penis owners really should become a G-spot, squirting orgasm specialists.

4 inch penis

4 inches is still below the average and it's the length of the small coffee spoon.
Around 5–10% of men have a 4-inch penis.
While it's not great, it's definitely enough. Hopefully, you've got a nice girth and if you do then with skinny girls your size would be perfect!
Again as with 3 inches, you should really work on that G-spot for her and become master at angles. And you can learn how to satisfy her in other ways too.
Especially deep positions are a missionary with you on top and her having legs behind her head. Doggy position is also great, especially if you angle your penis to her belly.

5 inch penis

Okay, now we have entered the average penis size market.
If you remember 5–6 inches is the most common size.
Again, girth is good, but it's how you use it. Chances are most women have seen this kind of penises and 85% of women are perfectly satisfied with the size of their partner's penises.
Are you? Remember there's subreddit where guys take photos of their average penises. They can really set you at ease and make you understand that you're all good.
5 inches is a bit bigger than small, older iPhone ;)
It's no big deal if your penis is a little bit angled left, right, up or down…
I'm on this size, and I make sure I get the best angle with help of a sex wedge to make sure it's pleasurable and never painful.
Then just playing with a nice dildo is fun way to mix it up.
This is what I use.
This 50 Shades of Grey inspired G-spot rabbit vibrator ($90 range) is a serious orgasm bringer.
Amazing investment to blow girl minds (find more on Lovehoney here) ;)
That’s the beauty with this thing. Other time we would use one of many vibrations settings and even play with those rabbit ears.
Use what you have and mix it up with toys! :)

6 inch penis

Okay, so 6 inch penis is at the better end of the averages.
You're damn lucky because your penis is the best size you could have.
When you have sex with an average woman she'll love it — she'll feel it fully and also you don't need to be worried about causing her pain.
When you have longer than 6 inches you need to start being more careful, so you don't end up hurting woman by pounding her too deeply.
20 dollar bill is the size ;)

7 inch penis

Interesting that tons of people search for 7 inch penis on Google. In fact, it's the most popular term of all sizes.
Interesting, why? Since only around 15% of men have penis not sure what's up with the obsession for 7 inches?
But you could get 7" easily by using penis sleeve.
But it's around the size of screwdriver. Couldn't find better comparison kheh.
She might be impressed and a little intimidated, it's pretty rare… so you definitely will need to get her used to your size.
And you need to be conscious of your thrusting because you can already easily hurt her with deeper positions.
Try something shallow like standard missionary positions. Keep experimenting and you might not be able to go all full inside her pussy.

8-inch penis

In the world of what scientific studies have measured only around 3% of men have an 8-inch penis.
It's both good and bad huh. But if you have one, maybe you should consider pornstar's career? It's pretty rare and since porn exaggerates the sizes anyway, you could fit right in.
Women definitely will be intimidated by this size and get worried if its gonna hurt. You definitely need to be very careful, you can easily, too easily hurt her.
8 inches is about the size of the beer bottle

9 inch penis

This definitely classifies as a huge penis and only crazy women will be able to appreciate this kind of size.
There is a reason why guys with large penises often have chubby girls. With them, they can relax more and not worry about hurting them.
Another thing you can do if you have a big penis is to use a cheap Fleshlight quickshot on top of your penis… so you're kinda thrusting her shallowly while being thrusted yourself with this thing… :)
If you cannot effortlessly enter you can still play with props. Work with what you've got right?
Find it on Lovehoney here.
You've got an intimidating gun and you need to find the right woman (size-queen) who will like it. I remember the story of one well hung guy who went for the sex doll and fell in love with it because the doll was the first one to take his member fully balls deep.
If you've got challenges maybe it's worth investment to finally have fun without worries of hurting her.
To compare iPad Pro is 9.7 inches big.

This is a nice video comparing visually all sizes:

Fun Fact: Jonah Falcon & The World's Largest Penis

Since we're going on the long end…
How big is the world's largest penis?
Well, the record holder is Jonah Falcon and he has 13.5 inches (34cm) big penis.
He was saying on interviews how many Holywood's biggest celebrities have sought him out because of his famed member.
Just look at the picture below and how his pants look like…
And that's only a limp penis there…

Is Curved, Bent or Crooked Penis Normal?

Tons of guys worry that their penis is not perfectly straight as they see in porn.
Again, check Reddit AveragePenis (NSFW) photos and set your worries away!
As long as you don't have more than 30–40-degree curve in any direction you should be alright.
You should only be worried and go to the doctor if it's painful. Pretty obvious.
When you check Subreddit you'll see that curves to different sides are perfectly normal and very common.
Doctors will say that if the curve doesn't change and doesn't cause pain to you while jerking off or having sex — there's nothing to worry about.
I've got tons of guys emailing with their worries about the curved penis. The thing is that you just need to learn how to use it to your advantage.
Same as guys with a straight penis. They also need to learn to angle it for greater pleasure during sex.
In a lot of cases, the curved penis can actually increase the pleasure IF YOU USE IT RIGHT!
You gotta experiment by yourself with many sex positions and find which cause the most pleasure for a woman.
As they say — it's less about the tool you have, more about HOW you use it.
However… IF the penis is increasingly growing more curved over time, you should be worried.
You may have Peyronie's disease which I'll talk about next:

What is Peyronie’s disease?

If you have painful erections and your penis is increasingly growing more curved, you should immediately go to the doctor.
You might have Peyronie's disease.
I can give just a general explanation of what it is, but cannot give you medical advice.
Don't worry if you simply have a crooked penis — they are common :)
Now… how would one treat Peyronie's disease to reverse or slow down the effects?
First, you should know there are active and stable phases.
It means that the penis is going increasingly crooked vs when it stops bending further.
When you go to a doctor he will:
  • visually examine the flaccid and erect penis
  • make ultrasound test, which will show if there's any presence of abnormalities like — scar tissue, weird blood flow…etc.
If you have active worsening crookedness of your penis, there are ways to stop it with surgery and medication.
The process is long and painful, but it's doable.
If you wanna learn more about the technical, medical side of treating Peyronie's, check this explanation.
Do Kegel Exercises To Maintain Healthy Penis
No matter how healthy you are Kegels will only improve your penis health, erection.
Kegels are like a gym for your penis with tons and tons of benefits. Couple it with noFap for a while and you'll become badass in the bed…!
You do them by contracting your PC muscle (the one you use to stop peeing).
The best way to do them is to use a toilet as a trigger. When you pee, stop yourself 4–5x for 5 secs. Then as you finish, squeeze and hold it for extra 10 secs.
Make it a part of your daily peeing, “kegeling” exercise.
You'll notice you get harder easier and gain more control over your penis.
It will help with premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.

Broken Penis: Can You Break Your Penis?

Short answer: YES.
While it cannot break like a bone since the penis is a muscle which contains tons of blood vessels and spongy tissue…
You can tear that tissue which will result in excruciating pain and a loud pop sound.
The most common time when you can break your penis is during sex when the penis is erect.
That's when there is the highest blood pleasure in your penis and if you stretch it too far against it's a natural state, bad things can happen.
So which sex positions you should be most careful about?
Studies have shown that intercourse is when the penis gets broken the most.
The most dangerous sex position for guys is a cowgirl with a girl on top. If she's grinding you too much against the grain, you should beware and calm her down.
A 2nd most dangerous position is doggy style.
Just keep these in mind and don't force your penis in too extreme angles (or don't let your partner do it).
Another danger when you can “pop” your penis is if you overuse sex enhancement drugs + alcohol.
Taoists who were obsessed with sexual performance had tons of special mixtures that would make a guy last for hours.
If you use any of these drugs — FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY.
Viagra type of drug overuse can cause your penis to POP. And there's no coming back from that one.
Can you fix a broken penis?
Yes, the same way you can grow your penis — there are long, painful surgeries that you can undergo.
But it's much better to take safety precautions ahead of the time.
If you've ever broken a bone, any doctor will tell you that they can put it together, but it will never be as good as it was.

What Are The Best Sex Positions For Small Penis?

While guys with huge penises simply need to be always careful not to hurt a girl… it's still pretty easy for them.
Just be careful.
If you have a small penis, it's a little trickier.
I have a female friend, who had a guy with a small penis, and they were always having anal sex. During regular intercourse, she just couldn't feel anything.
While there are ways to grow your penis, you won't get it from 3 inches to 7 inches (unless you undergo painful surgery)
By actively using it and doing Kegels, you can get 15–20% temporarily increase (as Dave Asprey has observed). Once you stop, the penis will go back to it's default size though.
But you can learn sex positions that make your penis FEEL BIGGER.
Small penis owners need to learn all the positions that allow for DEEPER Penetration:
  • Doggy style — women will love this because the small penis can directly stimulate her G-spot. Experiment with angles.
  • Missionary with a guy on top, a pillow (or wedge) under her butt, legs in the air or behind her head — again there are tons of variations with this position, but the key is to get her pussy super exposed so you can thrust her deep
  • Anal Sexbecause of small penis size, actually it makes it for the best penis for anal sex. If your girl doesn't feel much during ordinary sex, invest in anal sex skills.
  • Learn to eat her pussy out and finger her — you can compensate for the small size by learning her anatomy really well and using your tongue and fingers. Not the same as a penis, but you gotta work with what you have.
  • Use Sex Toysagain, you must be creative, think outside the box. Turn your weakness into your strength. The toys they sell nowadays are crazy good — you can get vibrators, cock rings, dildos, g-spot stimulators… Everything!
So in conclusion: Instead of bitching and whining about having a small penis — Think Outside Of The Box.
Use your weakness and turn it into strength. The guys who have it easy usually don't invest any time to really learn how to satisfy a woman in bed.
Because of your adversity, you have a drive like a wild animal who's put in the corner. You'll find a solution, no matter what!
From adversity, pain and frustration comes GREATNESS.
Remember that.

Erection 101: How To Get A Hard On Instantly & Stay Erect For Hours

Since this is an ultimate PENIS 101 guide, let me include a nice bonus section.
Yeah, there are tons of pills and bandaids you can use to fix your erection, but those are bandaids.
Use viagra, use numbing creams, three condoms (or penis sleeves I already mentioned)… whatever.
But if you wanna have a permanently healthy penis, here's what you should be aware of:

#1 — Take care of your health

Basics first.
The penis is a blood vessel.
If you don't do any cardio exercise (that improves blood flow) if you clog your vessels with trash food… you cannot expect to have a healthy penis.
If you're overweight — get fit!
If you're not having enough sleep — fix it!
If you're eating trash — go on green cocktail detox (search: alkaline diet)
Yep, it's that simple!
Get a healthier body and you will get a healthier penis.

#2 — Are you having mental insecurities?

If you've taken care of your health, then the other culprit may be your brain.
Did you know that orgasm happens in the brain? Yeah, erection and orgasms start in the brain, which then sends instructions down to your dick.
So dig in — are you having anxieties, insecurities around your penis? If you're not performing — maybe there's something that is seriously bothering you.
Look for those mental blocks. Fix them — talk with your girl.
For example, when I had problems with getting hard on my girl.
When I dug deeper I understood it was because of my porn addiction. That porn overstimulation numbed my brain so ordinary sex which is mostly sensual (while porn is visual). It just wasn't exciting enough.
Once I admitted that I was the problem, I could fix and find the solution.

#3 — Master Your Penis: Learn How Your Erection & Arousal Works

I've written about this extensively in my how to get a hard-on instantly and how to cum more like a pornstar.
Here's the quick recap:
  • practice kegel exercises
  • go on porn detox, ejaculate less frequently
  • practice by yourself with edging exercises (imagine 1 is limp — 100 is ejaculation and learn to navigate and control those arousal levels)
  • Learn which sex positions are more and less stimulating — then move between them as you get too hot or too cold.
  • Give your body more ammo by eating sex superfoods or simply consume more alive food (fresh fruits and vegetables)
And finally: simply invest in your sex education.
Being great in bed is a LEARNED SKILL. We're not supposed to magically just get how woman's arousal and orgasm work. We gotta invest in there.
If you have a growth mindset and you simply read 15 minutes a week on some new sex things you could try. You'll never have problems!
You'll have a vibrant, healthy sex life no matter if you're changing your partners every week or you're looking to spice it up with your lifelong partner!
I've been on both sides and can attest that you can have tons of fun and lots more pleasure with a long-term partner than simply changing pussies every day.

🚨 Women Answer: What Do They Think About Penis Sizes & How Important Is it? Do Women like Big Dicks?🚨

Before we go to individual women answers here's another interesting study done by Kevan Wylie, from the University of Sheffield.
Kevan did an online survey of more than 50,000 men and women.
What it revealed was that:
85% of women were satisfied with their partner's penis size.
Only 55% of men were satisfied with their own penis size
So, in general, you should accept the size of your penis and just use it actively!
Dave Asprey found that if you actively use your penis, it's size temporarily increases by about 20%.
Don't use it … it goes back to normal or even shrinks a bit.
But now you know there are also sex positions that you can change based on your penis size.
But you simply need to learn how to use the tools you have — it's not about size (not entirely at least), but HOW YOU USE IT.
Anyway..let's ask women what they think…

Honestly now: “Does penis size matter?”

Women answer…

As the brilliant Amy Poehler put it, “women don’t care unless it’s really big or really small.”

“And i’ve only encountered one “really small” penis in my life, and i’m a whore (no negative connotation with “whore,” just enjoy casual sex).
Interesting anecdote: i had a date with a really cool dude a couple years ago. We started messing around and he had a super small dick.
Freakishly small. I excused myself before it got too far… not because a small penis is bad, but it was so small i was confused.
The next day, he called me and explained he is a trans-man.
The penis was a clit enlarged by hormones.
I felt kind of bad for running out.
I learned something about myself… if I knew my date was trans, i would have been good with that, and if I ever encountered a natural physically born man with a super small penis, i’d take the opportunity to get creative and work it.”
Source: Anonymous

“What concerns me more than how big he is, is his capability to make the most of it.”

“For me, this is how I see it:
  • If possible, I prefer a normal to larger-than-normal-but-not-too-enormous size.
  • I think many guys overestimate how big “normal” is because a lot of them watch too much porn
  • I would never reject a guy solely on the size of his penis, ever.
  • In the past, I’ve had satisfying sexual experiences with guys of all sizes: how you use it really is more important than size.
  • There is such a thing as too big: for those guys, I recommend a constant bottle of lube next to the bed and constant condom use: avoiding the friction of skin-on-skin is important in these cases
  • I get off more from clitoral stimulation than PIV (penis in vagina) so although size is a nice bonus, it’s by no means necessary to make me orgasm, have a great time and feel satisfied with my experiences
  • All that said, there is an awesome feeling that comes with deep penetration, and that is what makes me grunt.
  • If you have a small penis and she wants to have that ‘stretched’ feeling, then I recommend you look up positions for maximum penetration, AND that you get over any potential hangups about giving head or using a dildo on her (assuming she’s into that).
  • The G-spot is the small-penised-man’s friend. Experiment until you find it and enjoy the results!
What concerns me more than how big he is, is his capability to make the most of it.
I had a 7-month relationship with a guy with a small penis, but the main problem with our sex life is that it was repetitive and he wasn’t fit enough to get into different positions, so it ended up always being the same.
Positions for maximum penetration weren’t possible for him due to weight and back problems, so in the end that hindered my enjoyment because our sex wasn’t fun and active.
The G-spot factor was good though.”


“I think many guys overestimate how big “normal” is because a lot of them watch too much porn”

“Adding to this, the foreshortening effect.
You’re always looking down at your penis, and when you look directly down at something, the view is distorted.
Your penis will look shorter and fatter than it really is just because of where your eyes are.
This also means that when you compare with other guys, yours will look smaller in comparison, but it’s just an illusion and you’re probably fine.”
Source: Anonymous

“I don’t prefer extremes in size, either way. “

There’s such a thing as too big and too small. I would never turn a guy away because of the size of his penis, although if he’s really big I might be momentarily apprehensive.
The most thought I have about a guy’s penis the first time I see it is figuring out what is going to be the most pleasurable position or act for us. I am never turned off by a man’s size.
I am, however, turned off by a guy who is insecure about it, who asks how his size compares to my other partners (the answer is none of your business) or who is afraid to work with me in order to get us both off.
Some basic guidelines (for me, because we’re all different):
If you’re small: I (and many women) can’t get off from PIV sex so don’t think your size has anything to do with this. It wouldn’t matter how big you were, it just won’t happen. Pay attention to my clit!
If you’re big: Take it slow. Use lots of lube. Experiment with different positions to find what is most pleasurable and comfortable for both partners.
Regardless of size: Switch things up. Figure out which positions work best for you and your partner. Try oral or fingering or toys. The most satisfying sexual encounters occur when you’re communicative, willing to experiment, and often involves lots of foreplay. PIV sex is not the only way to go.
And added note: I do not discuss my partners’ size with anyone.
What your body looks like and what we do in the bedroom is strictly between us.
Most of the women I know are the same way.”
Source: snapkangaroo


“The more extreme the penis (whether extremely large or extremely small), the more the size matters.”

“There will probably be some women here saying that they don’t like cervix-pounding associated with larger penises…
So I’m going to go ahead and say that some of us do like our cervixes getting a nice penis-pounding and feeling very “filled up.”
Source: Anonymous

“The bigger the dick the better, in my opinion. “

“PIV orgasms simply do not happen if he isn’t big enough to completely fill me and ram me so hard that I can feel the deepest part of me ache in glorious pain.
I’m sad that I’ve only had two partners who were able to really reach and ram that honey spot.
I think many (NOT all) women say size don’t matter because they haven’t encountered a giant dick in person — I know, because I used to be the same way.
Ever since I had a huge dick, I know that size matters and people are full of crap!
Being screwed by a big one literally made my mouth drop open immediately in utter shock (both mental and physical) and my mind go completely duhhhhhhh.
Never felt anything like that before during sex.
Even if a guy with a medium sizer knows how to fuck really well, it simply does not bring me to that feeling of complete fullness and duhhhhhhness.
But, that isn’t to say small is inadequate. If a man knows how to work with what he’s got, then he’s in the clear.
Hopefully, he’ll be open to screwing me with a big ol’ dildo, but if not thats cool too.
There’s such a thing as too small, but I haven’t encountered it yet.
Every guy I’ve been with has been thick and over 5 inches at least. I’m not a size queen at all, that’s just how my luck has drawn out.
I think if I encountered a guy with an overly thin penis, that would be something I might have to turn away.
But actually, I’m a bit kinky.
If a guy had a penis smaller than 5 inches, I’d give him a blowjob perhaps.
Just knowing that I’d be able to fit him all into my mouth and how amazing that would make him feel would turn me on.
I wouldn’t let him fuck me though, because I know I really wouldn’t feel any pleasure and since I’ve never faked it before it would be quite an awkward situation for me to be dead fishing it while the guys’ having a ball.
But hey, I’ve never encountered that kind of thing in reality so… It’s all hearsay.”
Source: booblebum


“No, size doesn’t matter all that much. “

“I think some men are extremely insecure about their penises because of porn.
I’m sorry, but a 12 inch dong would never fit in my vagina, and those huge dicks would always disgust me.”


“Well, per my own personal experience, i would say that yes. Size does matter. “

“If we’re going by first impressions alone, i will say that upon sight of a small penis, i tend to make a 😞 face and get ready to be jackhammered in an attempt to make up for the size.
This is not always the case, but in my experience, i’ve never been satisfied by a small peen.
Upon sight of an average sized peen, i have an average response.
I’m still excited, still ready to go, and i’ve got about a 89% chance of being totally satisfied and having a great time.
I like them odds.
HOWEVER.
I’ve had a monster cock enter my life before, and i will tell you that it is not an experience i will ever forget.
Here i am with this average looking guy, of average height and average build, little did i know he had an anaconda in his pants.
Literally, the moment i saw it, some sort of primal cave whore within me woke up, and i went utterly berserk on that man.
Best sex of my life, no question.
He and i also had sexual preferences that fit together like a perfect jigsaw puzzle (i seriously love being choked, he seriously loved doing the choking, etc) so that definitely played a role in making it such a wonderful experience, but honestly the size of him DEFINITELY played a role as well.
So, going by my own experience, i would say yes. Size matters quite a bit.”


“Yes and no.”

I once blew a guy whose dick was so big my mouth was sore when I was done.
It was incredibly difficult to do my thing when I was constantly worried about my teeth scraping his dick.
I normally love giving head but this felt like a chore.
This guy was so big I couldn’t even get my whole hand around his dick, and I have pretty average to large hands for a woman.
I didn’t have piv sex with him, mostly because I wasn’t really that into him but I definitely felt intimidated by his size.
Sometimes I regret not going through with it just to see what it was like, but at the time the that he had this massive dick, was a virgin and was 100x more into me than I was him really put me off.
The smallest guy I ever had sex with I would rate as the best I’ve had.
I’d rate his size as a little below average, and in retrospect I think he might have had a death grip problem having been a virgin until the age of 29 (about six months before I met him) and his difficulty maintaining much of an erection meant piv sex in and of itself didn’t feel as good as with other guys I’ve been with, but the experience as a whole was so much better.
He did the most incredible dirty talk, was great at oral, indulged my special preferences, was always up to try new things, and even had a small collection of toys we used on each other.
Being an attractive, intelligent and kind person I was really into went a long way too.
Penis size does matter, but it matters a whole lot less than the rest of the man it’s attached to.
I’d be disappointed with a man who just stuck it in and thrust thinking that was enough no matter what his size was (although I’d probably lose patience with a smaller guy a lot quicker if I’m being honest).
There’s so much more that goes a long way towards making sex a good experience.”
Source: toffeebastard


“No, it does not. The vagina expands to the shape of what’s put in it. If you have anything at all to rub my g-spot with, we’re good.”

“I’ve been with tiny and with huge and with various mediums over the course of my life.
We’re not lying when we say it’s not the size of the wave, it’s the motion of the ocean.
Be a great kisser, caress rather than molest, give more than 2 minutes of foreplay.
I would rather have a man who does all those things with skill but has a 2 inch penis than a lousy kisser with no patience for foreplay or feel for how to turn a woman on with a 10 incher.”
Source: bjisthefish


“It would have to be very VERY small for it to bother me. “

“I’m talking like under 3 inches.
Even then I could work with it if he was willing to and good at doing other things to satisfy me too, because honestly it just wouldn’t happen with sex.
I see so many guys complaining about how their 6 inch penis is soooooo small and how no girl will ever want them because of it.
Those guys need to stop. Really.
That is above average and perfectly great.
Also too big isn’t good. I think the biggest I’ve ever had sex with was 7.5 and I’d guess anything above 8 would get tricky.
The guys bragging about having 11-inch dicks are 1, probably lying, and 2, probably not getting laid so much because of it.
I honestly don’t know if I could do that.
Of course, I’d try but I don’t see it happening.
All in all I think it matters a lot less than guys think.
As long as it can get in and stay in and you know what you’re doing with it, it is great.”
Source: Anonymous

“One of my favorite dildos ever ever ever is 5" long and 1 1/4" in diameter. “

“I would consider that to be on the smaller side of what feels good to me, but I could still probably go smaller (4"?) and have it feel good if it was angled properly.
Anything longer than 6" is going to bump into my cervix, which doesn’t feel good to me, and anything wider than 1 3/4" in diameter is going to stretch me out in a way that would make it painful or impossible for me to be penetrated by it.
So in other words, my ideal size for a penis or dildo is about 6" long and 1 1/2" wide… but I’d certainly never dump a guy just because his penis didn’t fit my specifications.
He would have to be willing to make certain adaptations for my comfort and pleasure depending on his size, though.
Someone with a smaller penis would probably have to know how to angle it to hit my G-spot, and we’d have to use positions that allowed for deeper-than-normal penetration.
Whereas someone with a bigger penis would have to use lube with me every time, warm me up a lot, and if he was really big, he might even have to accept that intercourse would be impossible for me.”
Source: celestialism


Bringing It All Together

That's it!
So does penis size really matters?
You tell me!
It does and it doesn't!
Realize that porn is not reality, understand that in 99% you're average and get good at using what you have!
There are jelqing exercises, ways to make your penis harder, little bigger, but unless you wanna undergo dangerous surgery (with potential side effects), you GOTTA WORK WITH WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
Sounds to me, unless you make it a big issue yourself — women are more open that you would think.
So just get better at sex, understand it's a skill and SexualAlpha is #1 sex blog to get teh skills!
BOOM! 💥